Getting Together and Staying Together: The Stanford Course On Intimate Relationship
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Involvement in intimate relationships is one of the most fundamental and universal facets of life. Intimate relationships fulfill many basic human needs (e.g., for love, passion, companionship, etc.) and are the process through which we pass on our genes, our knowledge, and our values to the next generation. Intimate relationships are of great interest to us because they help to define who we are and how we will live our lives. Good relationships can enhance every aspect of our lives and bad relationships can be equally destructive. Because of this, people have examined and given advice about intimate relationships for thousands of years. This is reflected in literature, art, theater, music, and, more recently, through psychological studies about what makes relationships work (and not work). The scientific study of intimate relationships is relatively new, psychology itself has only been around for about 100 years. Likewise, the clinical practice of couples therapy is a relatively young practice, developing alongside the science of psychology, becoming widespread only about 40 years ago. In this time, however, hundreds, perhaps thousands, of studies have been done on intimate relationships and many different forms of treating distressed couples have been developed and tested. The study of intimate relationships is an exciting and dynamic field, constantly providing new information and new, more effective treatments to help prevent and treat relationship problems. Perhaps the biggest problem in the field is that there are few avenues to bring information learned in the laboratory and in clinical practice to people other than fellow professionals: to students interested in intimate relationships, to practitioners, and to the general public. Relationship researchers typically publish in scientific journals that are not easily accessible or understandable to non-scientists. Though there are a few exceptions, for the most part our professional knowledge and experience has remain locked up in the "ivory tower." This seems particularly tragic, given the high rate of divorce and the general need for the best information about how to relate successfully to others. Unfortunately, most people tend to get information from "popular" psychology books, which are often based on one person's personal experience of intimate relationships, or, at best, one person's clinical experience with couples in therapy. These books are often not helpful, or at worst, can be destructive by passing out misinformation that hurts rather than helps relationships. This book is designed to present accurate information about close relationships based on both scientific knowledge and clinical practice. It begins by presenting information about interpersonal attraction and finding a mate, and evolves into an examination of what makes a relationship work once you have found one. Most chapters present empirical information illustrated by case examples about such topics as why relationships are so important, attraction, love, sex and passion, commitment, and marriage. Also included are chapters that present practical suggestions on how to find a mate, how to make your relationship work, and how to find help for your relationship when you need it. This book is different from other books on intimate relationships in several ways. First, as previously mentioned, the book is based on an integration of psychological research on and clinical experience with intimate relationships. This approach was adopted to help ensure that scientific information is presented in a way that is both accurate and easy to understand. Second, the information presented is drawn from several fields, including sociology, evolutionary psychology and clinical psychology. Many books on intimate relationships are restricted to only one of these approaches. By drawing from all of these fields, we can provide a more complete picture of the entire developmental process of relationships, from finding partners, to dating, to marriage, and ultimately to dealing with marital difficulties. Third, this book takes a biopsychosocial approach. This is a more holistic approach that explains phenomena such as gender differences as an interaction of biological and genetic factors, psychological factors, and socio-cultural factors. It is our hope that this book can be useful for the millions of Americans who deal with the challenges and joys of intimate relationships everyday. Involvement in intimate relationships is one of the most fundamental and universal facets of life. Intimate relationships fulfill many basic human needs (e.g., for love, passion, companionship, etc.) and are the process through which we pass on our genes, our knowledge, and our values to the next generation. Intimate relationships are of great interest to us because they help to define who we are and how we will live our lives. Good relationships can enhance every aspect of our lives and bad relationships can be equally destructive. Because of this, people have examined and given advice about intimate relationships for thousands of years. This is reflected in literature, art, theater, music, and, more recently, through psychological studies about what makes relationships work (and not work). The scientific study of intimate relationships is relatively new, psychology itself has only been around for about 100 years. Likewise, the clinical practice of couples therapy is a relatively young practice, developing alongside the science of psychology, becoming widespread only about 40 years ago. In this time, however, hundreds, perhaps thousands, of studies have been done on intimate relationships and many different forms of treating distressed couples have been developed and tested. The study of intimate relationships is an exciting and dynamic field, constantly providing new information and new, more effective treatments to help prevent and treat relationship problems. Perhaps the biggest problem in the field is that there are few avenues to bring information learned in the laboratory and in clinical practice to people other than fellow professionals: to students interested in intimate relationships, to practitioners, and to the general public. Relationship researchers typically publish in scientific journals that are not easily accessible or understandable to non-scientists. Though there are a few exceptions, for the most part our professional knowledge and experience has remain locked up in the "ivory tower." This seems particularly tragic, given the high rate of divorce and the general need for the best information about how to relate successfully to others. Unfortunately, most people tend to get information from "popular" psychology books, which are often based on one person's personal experience of intimate relationships, or, at best, one person's clinical experience with couples in therapy. These books are often not helpful, or at worst, can be destructive by passing out misinformation that hurts rather than helps relationships. This book is designed to present accurate information about close relationships based on both scientific knowledge and clinical practice. It begins by presenting information about interpersonal attraction and finding a mate, and evolves into an examination of what makes a relationship work once you have found one. Most chapters present empirical information illustrated by case examples about such topics as why relationships are so important, attraction, love, sex and passion, commitment, and marriage. Also included are chapters that present practical suggestions on how to find a mate, how to make your relationship work, and how to find help for your
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About the Book
A tremendous amount of media attention has been directed towards intimate relationships. Magazine articles, books, and television specials have all focused on what makes intimate relationships work or not work. There are hundreds of books on this topic. However, few books have well integrated the academic and clinical aspects of relationships specifically for those trying to find a life partner and to maintain a lifelong commitment. For the past 13 years, we have been teaching courses on intimate relationships at a variety of universities, including Stanford University, the University of California, Los Angeles, the University of Kansas, Santa Clara University, and Loyola Marymount University. The purpose of the book is to essentially turn this popular course into an easy to read, understand, and use book for the general public and as a supplement to undergraduate and graduate courses in intimate relationships and counseling. What makes this book different is that it offers a concise, practical, and straightforward approach to intimate relationships that is based on both scientific research and clinical practice. Written by two full-time academics who maintain part-time clinical practices, the book provides the balance between research and practice that is needed for this topic.
About the Author
Thomas G. Plante, Ph.D., ABPP is professor of psychology at Santa Clara University and adjunct clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine. He has served as psychology department chair, acting dean of the school of education, counseling psychology, and pastoral ministries, and director of the spirituality and health institute at Santa Clara University. He currently serves as Vice-Chair of the National Review Board for the Protection of Children and Youth for the U.S. Council of Catholic Bishops and is president of the psychology and religion division (division 36) of the American Psychological Association. He was born and raised in Rhode Island and received his ScB degree in psychology from Brown University, his M.A. and PhD degrees in clinical psychology from the University of Kansas, and his clinical internship and postdoctoral fellowship in clinical and health psychology from Yale University. Prior to coming to Santa Clara in 1994, he was a staff psychologist and on the clinical faculty at Stanford University School of Medicine and director of mental health services at the Children’s Health Council in Palo Alto, California. He has authored, co-authored, edited, or co-edited 14 books including Sin against the Innocents: Sexual Abuse by Priests and the Role of the Catholic Church (2004, Greenwood), Bless Me Father For I Have Sinned: Perspectives on Sexual Abuse Committed by Roman Catholic Priests (1999, Greenwood), Faith and Health: Psychological Perspectives (2001, Guilford), Do the Right Thing: Living Ethically in an Unethical World (2004, New Harbinger), Contemporary Clinical Psychology (1999, 2005, 2011, Wiley), Mental Disorders of the New Millennium (Vols. I, II, and III, 2006, Greenwood), Spirit, Science and Health: How the Spiritual Mind Fuels Physical Wellness (2007, Greenwood), Spiritual Practices in Psychotherapy: Thirteen Tools for Enhancing Psychological Health (2009, American Psychological Association), and Contemplative Practices in Action: Spirituality, Meditation, and Health (2010, Greenwood) as well as published over 150 scholarly professional journal articles and book chapters. His area of clinical and research interest focuses on stress and coping, the influence of aerobic exercise and perceived fitness on psychological functioning, faith and health outcomes, psychological issues among Catholic clergy and laypersons, and ethical decision making. He has been featured in numerous media outlets including Time Magazine, CNN, NBC Nightly News, the PBS News Hour, New York Times, USA Today, British Broadcasting Company, National Public Radio, among many others. He has evaluated or treated more than 600 priests and applicants to the priesthood and deaconate and has served as a consultant for a number of Church dioceses and religious orders. Time Magazine referred to him (April 1, 2002) as one of “three leading (American) Catholics.” He maintains a private practice in Menlo Park, CA where he lives with his wife, Lori (also a psychologist) and son, Zachary. His hobbies include running and managing a small home vineyard where he and his family grow syrah grapes for wine making under the TLZ Plante Family Vineyard label.