The End of November
Growing Up With Domestic Violence
by
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Some adults feel a degree of empathy for others but children are natural empaths. They are extraordinarily sensitive to everything that goes on around them, especially when it comes to someone they love dearly. Unknown to my father, I felt all of my mother's pain. I can't tell you how many times I have seen my father beat my mother to a pulp in front of me. It didn't matter how much she tried to fight back, he would over power her with heavy punches as if he were beating another man.
My father had the habit of pretending to hug my mother ( in a head lock) in front of me and with a smile on his face, he would watch me and give her upper cuts to the gut and ribs as if I didn't have two eyes to see. Every time he punched her, he was punching me. Every time he kicked her, he was kicking me. Every time he slapped her around, called her derogatory names and told her she was worthless, it felt as though he was doing all of these things to me. I remember in the Bible when God delivered the Jews from Babylon he said to them, “He that is touching you is touching my eyeball”-
After a beating, to add more insult to injury, my father would look at me and say in front of mom, “Don't be like your mother. Do you hear me?!” I would watch my mother walk away with her head down, ashamed. The physical pain was nothing compared to the worthlessness and utter self hatred she felt. Although I started out life chipper and full of energy and confidence, my diabolical family life made sure that I soon became shy and introverted. Like my mother, I developed a self-loathing. By the time I was about 10 years of age, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I thought I was ugly and disgusting and of course, I contemplated suicide. I remember banging my reflection in the mirror once because I hated myself so. I wanted to break it but I knew I would get in trouble, so I didn't.
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About the Book
I was reluctant to write about my tumultuous childhood as I witnessed many bouts of abuse exacted by my father upon my mother. After all, writing has always been a way for me to escape the reality of the abuse, not to run to it. Encouraged by friends over the years to write about my experiences, I began jotting down painful memories as they came to me in a blog that I penned, wardofthecourt.blogspot.com. I started to experience gradual relief from the weight of carrying these heavy memories. I became light. As I began advocating domestic abuse, I thought that the blog would serve better as a book to help the victims, survivors and the most silent of these victims, the children who are forced to witness the abuse and the children who have been orphaned by domestic violence as I have been. My hope is that this book will help relieve the pain, the shame, the guilt and the loneliness that they feel as they realize that they are not alone and there is still life after the death of a parent(s) to domestic homicide. Hopefully, this book will also serve as a light to the eyes of the abuser who doesn't realize the pain they are putting their children through by brutalizing the other parent.
WHO TO CONTACT IF YOU NEED HELP
If your life has been threatened, call 911. Do not take an abuser's threat lightly.
National TEEN Dating Abuse Hotline
1-866-331-9474
(1-866-331-8453 TTY)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
(1-800-787-3224 TTY)
Violence Anonymous (12 Step Program for Recovery from Violent Behavior)
http://www.violenceanonymous.com
About the Author
Nicole Sharpe, born Nicole Alaina Richards in Brooklyn, New York, has been writing as a hobby since the age of 5. The ability to write fictional stories at such an early age served as a defense mechanism as she witnessed countless scenes of domestic violence between her mother and father. Eventually her father murdered her mother on Friday, November 22nd 1991, orphaning her and her two siblings. In 2008, Ms. Sharpe decided to become an advocate of domestic abuse, first by organizing information tables on the subject at her place of employment and then by joining with the Purple Ribbon Council, a charity group whose mission is to raise awareness and engage everyday people in the prevention of domestic abuse. Along with the founder, Donna Bartos, it is also Ms. Sharpe's wish to have support groups set up across the country for children orphaned by domestic abuse with the help of the Purple Ribbon Council's Purple Ribbon Fund for Children. It is also her goal to use her experience and voice to join with other advocates to help increase awareness and prevention of the Silent Epidemic of domestic abuse until it is finally eradicated. Ms. Sharpe has spoken at a number of events including the Intimate Partner Violence conference at New York University. Her memoir, The End of November - Growing Up With Domestic Violence, is her first published book.