If Relationships Were Like Sports, Men Would at Least Know the Score!

The purpose of this book is to create a playful way for couples to discover how they can improve relationships while having fun. Anyone who has been in a romantic relationship knows how difficult it can be to sustain the initial passion and excitement, as the relationship matures giving way to mutual respect and intimacy. In one sense it seems it should be so easy to have the relationship of our dreams, where we are being fully expressed emotionally, physically, and spiritually, yet at times it feels like we are not even on the same playing field as our partner, playing by the same rules, or using the same equipment. And that is precisely how the title of this book became manifested. Maybe it doesn't have to be as complicated as it has become, if we simply learn how to keep score with one another, and understand the same rules. So often we don't have the slightest clue when it comes to evaluating the relationship we are in and knowing the score. In a time when fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, words like commitment and promise and vows can mean different things to various people.

When we enter relationships blindly hoping that this time it is going to be different, yet not knowing how to make it different, it is a lot like playing golf in total darkness. Perhaps hitting the initial drive may not be so difficult, but finding the ball can be a tedious journey, while we hope somehow, the ball will magically discover the green and jump in the hole. Even the most masterful golfers would not venture to play under these circumstances.

I believe the reason so many people love sports, and are drawn to participate in them as well as observe them, is because of their simplicity. We understand that a baseball game has three outs to an inning, and typically nine innings a game. And, we appreciate the rules in baseball will not be the same rules in football even though they are both sports. Of course a clear distinction between sports and relationships is what constitutes winning. In sports, the object is to out score your opponent, so that you are victorious. Also the purpose is to improve your own game to the highest level of excellence so that you are always seeking your own mastery of the game. In relationships, winning is when you and your partner are elevated to a higher level of romance, respect, intimate communication, and playfulness. In relationships if you are winning at your partner's expense, the relationship is losing. Your partner is on the same team as you, and scoring only occurs when it is beneficial for the whole team.

Personally I didn't choose to write this book. In some mysterious way it chose me. And since the book came through me as if I were a vessel to be spoken through, I, too, became the book's student and discovered that I had not been playing the game as masterfully as I could. And yet, the true discovery was finding how easy it could be to create extraordinary relationships, relationships that could evolve into a lifetime of trust and intimacy, with the joyous celebration of each other.

So often, I have felt I was just getting warmed up. Just one more inning and I'd be in my player's zone. Just one more chance at the foul line and I'd win the game, only to find the game was already over.

How often have we all seen a baseball coach walk out to the mound when the pitcher is wearing a look of frustration, after giving up three runs. The pitcher knows he's in trouble and we can only imagine the conversation.

Coach: It's not looking good.
Pitcher: I'm just getting warmed up.
They hit some good pitches.
They just got lucky.
I know I can get the next batters.
Coach: Sorry kid, it'll have to be another day.
We're already bringing in Lefty.

And so it is with relationships. Women are always keeping score, remembering every error, or misshot, and men are always wanting one more inning, one more serve, one more hole, only to discover the game has been over. You fouled out, regardless of your twenty-five points. As the title of the book suggests, men need to learn how to keep score and know what the score is in the relationship. There is nothing more heart breaking than losing when you thought you were winning, and nothing more confusing then winning when you thought you had lost.

Once I was playing in a doubles tennis match. The games went on for a couple of hours, and after a long rally, one of the players on the other team walked toward the net, so I did the same walking toward him. He proceeded to reach out his hand to shake mine, and said 'Good game'. In which I honestly and amusingly replied 'Who won?' He looked at me perplexed and said, 'You did.' I turned toward my partner and said, 'We won.' Though both of us thought we were down a set. As we walked off the court laughing in bewilderment, our only thought was that we all had been abducted by aliens for awhile.

Well the good news is; that does not occur in sports too often, yet the bad news is, it can occur all too often in relationships. How often is the question asked by a friend when a relationship ends,

'What happened? I thought everything was great. You both seemed like such a wonderful couple.'

The reply can be,

'I'm not certain what happened. I had just purchased tickets for us to go to the Bahamas where I was going to propose. I thought we had a wonderful night last night, we even made love. In the morning, when I awoke, she was already gone to work. I was getting ready to leave and there at the door were my clothes and my toothbrush in a large paper bag with a note that said, 'Sorry kid, I'm bringing in Lefty with the curveball. Your stuff was wearing off.' And as I walked out to my car, I could have sworn I was pitching great and had a few good innings left in the game. Maybe it's just a practical joke I thought, or maybe I'm dreaming, or perhaps I've been abducted by aliens! But whatever it is, I don't know what happened!'