ArmyGolf
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
ArmyGolf
The Game
A:Object of Game
The ArmyGolfer with the highest rank after 18 skirmishes wins the engagement.
B:How to Play
1) The ArmyGolf Battalion is divided up into platoons consisting of four ArmyGolfers. Each platoon would fight each skirmish as a unit, independently from the other platoons.
2) Each member of the platoon would start the first skirmish as a Private 1st Class.
3) An ArmyGolfer who shoots a par earns a promotion to the next higher rank.
4) An ArmyGolfer who shoots a birdie earns an automatic promotion to Captain.
5) An ArmyGolfer with a rank of captain or better who shoots a birdie earns an automatic promotion to Brigadier General.
6) An ArmyGolfer who shoots an eagle earns automatic promotion to Brigadier General.
7) Generals can only rise in ranks with birdies or eagles.
8) A General who shoots an eagle earns automatic promotion to General Of The Army.
9) An ArmyGolfer who shoots a hole-in-one earns automatic promotion to General Of The Army.
10) An ArmyGolfer who shoots a triple bogie or worse earns a demotion to the next lower rank.
a)- Advanced ArmyGolf: Double bogie substituted for triple bogie.
b)- Pro ArmyGolf: Substitute bogie for double bogie.
11) An ArmyGolfer can not be demoted lower than the rank of Buck Private.
12) Bogies and double bogies are neutral. An ArmyGolfer who shoots such a score on any skirmish would maintain his current rank.
C) Rank
General Of The Army (5 Stars)
General (4 Stars)
Lieutenant General (3 Stars)
Major General (2 Stars)
Brigadier General (1 Star)
Colonel
Lieutenant Colonel
Major
Captain
First Lieutenant
Second Lieutenant
Sergeant
Corporal
Private 1st Class - All ArmyGolfers on first tee.
Private 2nd Class
Buck Private
D) ArmyGolf
1- In a skirmish, an ArmyGolf situation arises when the ArmyGolfer tees off and drives the ball into either the left or right rough. The next shot must go across the fairway into the opposite rough. At this point, the ArmyGolfer must raise his club over his head and shout "Charge" for the condition to take effect. Then the ArmyGolfer must march to his ball with his club over his left shoulder. If the ArmyGolfer proceeds to make a par then that ArmyGolfer is rewarded with an extra promotion of one rank on top of the promotion for achieving a par. Failure to perform in a ArmyGolf situation would result in a demotion of one rank. Failure to perform along with a triple bogie would result in a double demotion.
2- In an ArmyGolf situation, an ArmyGolfer may abort the operation at any time after hitting the third shot but before hitting the fourth. This is accomplished by the ArmyGolfer raising the club over his head and shouting "Retreat". An Armygolfer may retreat without penalty. However, cowardice may be grounds for a court martial (see below).
3- An Armygolfer may not intentionally hit a ball across the fairway to create an ArmyGolf situation. However, an exception would be made if shooting the ball across the fairway is the only viable shot.
4- Other types of golf junk (i.e. greenies, sandies etc.) may be used as a basis for additional promotions.
E- Court Martials
1- A court martial may be brought against an ArmyGolfer who commits indiscretions which violate the spirit of ArmyGolf. Charges may include, not exclusively, cheating, improper golf etiquette, cowardice, and ill temper.
2- Proceedings may only begin after the completion of the hole in which the infraction occurs. An ArmyGolfer may bring charges against a fellow ArmyGolfer by raising the putter over his head and shouting "Court Martial". This must be seconded by another member of the platoon. A Kangaroo Court would then be formed consisting of all the members of the platoon. Charges and defenses would be briefly discussed before a vote is taken. A 3-1 majority vote would convict, a 2-2 split vote would acquit. The entire court martial proceeding must be completed before the start of the next skirmish.
3- Conviction in a court martial would result in the demotion of the guilty ArmyGolfer of one rank.
4- A convicted ArmyGolfer may appeal to a higher court but only after the completion of the engagement.
5- Court martials should only be brought for serious golf matters. Many kangaroo courts could impede on the flow of the engagement. Frivolous charges could be a basis for an appeal. Also, it may prove futile to court martial an ArmyGolfer who has a rank of Buck Private.
F- Purple Hearts
1- A purple heart may be awarded to an ArmyGolfer who plays valiantly in shooting a triple bogie. A purple heart would waive a demotion.
2- Purple hearts may only be awarded by a majority vote of the platoon.
3- An ArmyGolfer may only receive one purple heart per engagement.
G- Bronze Stars
1- Awarded to the member of the platoon who plays with the most valor or heroism over the course of the entire engagement. Does not necessarily have to be awarded to the ArmyGolfer with the highest rank.
2- Awarded by majority vote of the platoon after completion of the engagement.
3- Bronze stars would result in a promotion of one rank.
H- Green Golf Hats
1- The elite ArmyGolf unit.
2- Members must play Advanced ArmyGolf.
3- An ArmyGolfer who averages lower than 85 shots fired per engagement qualifies to volunteer for this unit.
4- Any ArmyGolfer who achieves the rank of Colonel or better at the end of the engagement would be automatically inducted into the unit.
I- The Special Forces Operational Detachment - Alpha (A-Team)
1- The super elite ArmyGolf unit. Members wear blue golf hats.
2- Members must play Pro ArmyGolf.
3- An ArmyGolfer who averages lower than 75 shots fired per engagement qualifies to volunteer for this unit.
4- Any ArmyGolfer who achieves the rank of Major General or better at the end of the engagement would be automatically inducted into the unit.
J- Protocol
1- Honors
A- The oldest ArmyGolfer in the platoon has the honor to shoot the first shot of the first skirmish. After that, highest rank always has honors, regardless of the winner of the previous skirmish.
2- Salutes
1- It is proper protocol to give a salute to an ArmyGolfer who earns a promotion.
2- The type and nature of salutes shall be determined by each ArmyGolf unit.
3- Failure of an ArmyGolfer to salute an ArmyGolfer with a higher rank can not be used as a basis for a court martial.
4- Uniforms
1- The proper uniform for an ArmyGolf engagement is either Hawaiian or tie-dyed shirts with khaki slacks.
5- Duels
1- If necessary, final ties between ArmyGolfers with the same rank should be settled on the putting green.
Formats
Book Details
About the Book
What is ArmyGolf?
- It’s a love story. Love of family, friends, golf, and the Grateful Dead.
- It’s a modern day whimsical fairy tale. The story is set in 1999. It follows the Professional Golf Tour from the beginning of the year through the U.S. Open in June. There is a millennium message in the story.
- The story’s protagonist is Izzy Armonk. An avid golfer who dreams of joining the pro tour. A family man and college professor. Husband and father of three sons. Has a spell placed on him by his wife’s aunt who is a tyro witch. The spell causes him to par every hole he plays.
- The story’s title refers to an old golf joke. ArmyGolf is the tendency of a golfer to hit the ball to the left and then to the right. Left, right, left, right. Army marching cadence.
- Izzy Armonk is joined on Tour by his life long friend, Mike The Ukrainian who serves as his caddy. A Deadhead who is rich, having won the Lottery on 8/9/95, the same day Jerry Garcia died. A musician, he attracts, like the Pied Piper, fellow musicians as the duo travel around the country.
- The story uses verses from Grateful Dead songs to help tell the story and the story has Grateful Dead themes throughout.
- The story’s love interest is between the caddy and Stella Blue. She is also a Deadhead, a former twirler, who is now following the Golf Tour as a reporter. The two meet and fall in love. She betrays him which causes the golfer and the caddy to be arrested for the theft of golf course grass. Ultimately, the two will marry.
- The story takes the reader on a tour of the U.S.A. as it follows Izzy Armonk on the 1999 Golf Tour. The story settings include: New York City; Honolulu, Hawaii; Phoenix, Arizona; Monterey and San Diego, California; Fort Worth, Texas; New Orleans; Washington, D.C.; Memphis, Tennessee; and Pinehurst, North Carolina.
- The story climaxes at the final round of the 1999 U.S.Open at Pinehurst. The spell is broken. Instead of parring every hole, Izzy Armonk starts to birdie every hole. He wins the U.S.Open, over Payne Stewart, with the greatest golf round of all time. At the same time, his caddy morphs into Jerry Garcia, reincarnate.
- The story ends on a positive note, one that, hopefully, will make you cry.
About the Author
William E. Peiser is a lifelong resident of Queens, New York. He is an alumnus of Bishop Reilly High School, Queens College (B.A. Accounting), New York University (M.P.A. Government Finance). Currently he is employed as the Senior Accountant with the New York County Public Administrator’s Office. Strongly influenced by his parents’ values, William was raised in Bayside, NY with his seven siblings. Currently he is a dedicated family man and lives in Floral Park, NY with his wife and daughter. His large family and numerous friends are the source of inspiration and material for his book. As an avid sports enthusiast, William is a diehard New York Mets and Giants fan. He also plays third base for an over-forty softball team and currently shoots ArmyGolf to a Sergeant ranking.