Don't Call Me "Coach"
by
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Dr. H. L. Masterson, Principal, looked at me and said, "Since you seem to be rather apathetic toward sports in general, I think it important that you become involved - more actively - in our program." "But, Sir, I....." "No ‘buts’ McGraw. Beginning immediately you will be the coach of.... of.... of the ‘Winking Grays.’" "Who, or what," I asked are the ‘Winking Grays?’" "The tiddly-wink team, Mr. McGraw. That’s who." "But, Dr. Masterson, do we have a tiddly-wink team?" "No, sir, we do not." "Then how....?" "That will be your job. You will organize a team and you will do your best to coach them properly. And, Mr. McGraw - you will make certain that in the shortest time possible, the ‘Wink-ing Grays’ will become highly competitive. Do I make myself clear?:" "Yes, sir, I guess so, but when...?" "Now, Mr. McGraw – now!! I couldn’t make myself any clearer if I were a penny in the well water. All our facilities will be available to you." He pointed to the door. "Go and get started." * * * * * As I looked at Mary, something that had been eating at me all afternoon popped into my head. "Mary, something came up two or three times today and it’s got me thinking. What if I did have a winning season - a better season than Dunbar? Maybe that’s all I’d need - one winning season. If that should happen I think all this ridicule would stop. One winning season - just one that’s all. No, not just a winning season - an undefeated season. I think I’d sell my soul for an undefeated season." A look of concern - almost fright - crossed Mary’s face. "You don’t mean that, do you, Bob?" Something cold and unfeeling stirred deep within me. I looked at her, unsmiling, and said, "Yes, Mary, I do. For one undefeated season...... I’d sell my soul." * * * * * I looked over at Lew. He was smiling at me. He folded the paper neatly and tucked in into the drawer in the table. "There you are, Mr. McGraw. You have signed a pact with me and in just a few short weeks, you will be an undefeated coach - without an asterisk..... and a state champion." Here, he threw back his head and began to laugh, a strange maniacal laugh that made my skin crawl. I could not help but be frightened, for it was the most hideous laughter I had ever heard. He then snapped his fingers and every pushbroom in the boiler room burst into flame –spewing that brimstone smell everywhere. "Yes, sir, Mr. McGraw, do you understand? You’ll soon join the ranks as one of the greatest coaches in the history of J. J. Plinth High School. Congratulations, ‘Coach....’" And the laughter continued. * * * * * ....I had to do some serious thinking. If I couldn’t come up with a plan of some kind, I would become - exactly two weeks from tomorrow - a representative of evil. But how, how, how could I change things? Maybe he had a weakness I could attack. But what?...... I could think of no way to thwart him. There had to be something. Somewhere he must be vulnerable. Was it possible to play on his emotions? He probably had none. I know he had no compassion or pity for anyone or any-thing. In fact, the more suffering he could inflict upon people, the happier he became. How about his ego? He was certainly vain. He felt that he could do almost anything he wished. The trouble there is – it’s true. I was completely stumped. Should I simply give up and accept the inevitable? Should Ijust call it quits? No! By all that’s holy, there had to be a way out. I needed help, to be sure, but where to turn? Who, in this world, could help me defeat the king of the underworld? I really had no need to ask myself that question. I knew the answer. Mary! * * * * * I was tired and my mind was muddled, so I decided to hit the sack and begin again tomorrow. There had to be a way........a way out of this horrible situation. There is, of course, one on whom we can all rely and I turned to Him as my head hit the pillow. I prayed....... * * * * * I suddenly realized that the fate of my immortal soul might be riding on a tiny plastic disc! * * * * *
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About the Book
Every schoolteacher in America and a multitude of students, past and present, will want to read my novel. I have transformed the ups, downs and crazy goings-on of my thirty years in a high school classroom into DON’T CALL ME "COACH", a tongue-in-cheek look at the uneasy marriage of academics and athletics. It is a love story, and it’s clean, with Christian characters who pray to God. It is loaded with satire and deals with an issue relevant to today’s society, which gives it a definite ring of truth. "COACH" is the story of Bob McGraw, teacher and coach of his school’s tiddly-wink team, the latter position given to him as punishment for questioning the importance given to athletics over academics. After fourteen years of losing and being ridiculed, he has had it. To one-up his archrival, the football coach, he turns his back on God and makes a deal with Satan. He begins to win and enjoys it. His girl, Mary, the girls’ physical education teacher, is devastated and walks out of Bob’s life. He soon realizes that what he has done has cost him his soul, the love of his life and destroyed his philosophy of education. He then seeks a way to defeat Satan and regain his faith and true love. As he encounters problem after problem, Bob comes to the horrible realization that the fate of his immortal soul could rest on the "winking" ability of a high school student and a tiny plastic disc. I am qualified to make my statement because, as an educator, I have seen the power that athletics can hold over academics and its effects on student and faculty alike. Both programs are essential to education but I feel that academics should possess the upper hand. By treating the subject with humor, I have zeroed in on an evolution that most teachers find frustrating.
About the Author
John E. Kopp is Missouri born and educated. He was born in the St. Louis suburb of Maplewood in 1933. A graduate of Maplewood High School in 1951, he earned his B.S. in Education at Northeast Missouri State Teacher’s College in Kirksville and his M. A. T. at Webster College in Webster Groves in 1970. He taught high school English, speech and drama in the St. Louis area for thirty years, retiring in 1990. A veteran, he served in the United States Navy from 1952-1956. John and Dorothy, his wife of fifty years, now reside in Warrenton, Missouri where they are both active in their church and the Wagon Wheel Players, a local community theater group that they founded in 1988. John spends his time reading, writing and acting. He is an avid sports’ fan and closely follows his favorite teams, the St. Louis Cardinals, Rams and Blues. His children’s stories have appeared in JACK & JILL magazine and he has worked for HALLMARK, FRAN-MAR and PARAMOUNT greeting card companies.