Much later, bored and tired, driving through the hills and mountains approaching Nevada, he rounded a curve and saw a dead bird lying splattered at the roadside. He remembered those birds playing "chicken" with his car in Texas.... Evidently, this one took a chance and lost, he thought. He wondered about it for a moment. Was it an omen? That bird took a chance, like I’m taking a chance. Suddenly, he became fearful. What’s that little dab, that pittance, under the seat going to do for me anyway ... prolong the inevitable? The realization of what he was actually doing struck him so hard, he said it aloud: "I’m driving out here like a goofball, trying to recover my money by gambling in a casino.... This is way beyond desperation, this is madness!"
After another hour or so of driving, Wayne became more fatigued and more depressed, thinking the whole trip futile. He saw a SCENIC VIEW AHEAD sign, and, needing a break from driving, stopped. He parked and casually walked to the edge of a precipice. Away from the road, it was strangely silent. He was the only one there. He leaned against the protective rail and looked out over the vast mountainous view. He stood there savoring it. This is magnificent! he thought. He took a very deep breath, as if trying to breath in all that he saw. The sun had set, and the calming twilight added to the peace. Not much greenery, but the setting orange-red sun, perfect against the reddish mountains and red clay, gave it an otherworld look.
He looked down and saw a river that was so far below, he couldn’t tell whether it was moving or not. He relaxed, leaning against the rail, beholding the view. It’s so peaceful here.... so silent, he thought. He looked straight down again and thought how easy it would be to step over the rail and jump. The more he thought, the more sense it made ....free of disappointment ....free of fear ....free of growing old. He began thinking of his wife, Emily, and wondered if he died, would he see her again.
.....He took hold of the rail, trembling a little, and took a deep breath, closing his eyes....
.....Then, the sound of tires crunching gravel. Wayne didn’t turn, but just stood still, clutching the rail. Car doors slammed.... Children laughed. "Race ya," squealed a small voice. He slowly turned to see two little girls racing toward him, their tennis shoes mashing gravel as they ran. They reached his side, laughing and giggling.... He stared at them for a moment.... at their cheerful, bubbly, innocence.... so full of life.
He could hear the crunching of others walking, coming closer. He turned and walked back to his car, nodding to the passing smiling couple following the girls: a woman carrying a baby and a man beside her. Both nodded back.
He reached his car, opened the door, and, pausing, looked back at the family. He could still hear the little girls giggling....
"Just keep driving," he heard himself say.
Excerpt 2
She paused and took a deep breath, "Well, I’m no Guru, and mostly I’m echoing what I was taught by the Fellowship, but first, what you need to do is to forget and let go of the memory of those experiences. Don’t dwell on those things. Pretend you’re starting over everyday, new. You have the power to start over.... FRESH!
"Second: As I said before, change the way you react to negative experiences. Reacting in a negative way to those things tends to perpetuate them, gives them reality, and tends to set up your future in relation to them. Keep reacting to things the same old way and they will continue to happen.
"Use your creative energies to harmonize your life, not bitch about it. Don’t complain because every little thing isn’t perfect. Focus on what’s right. Even in big things, don’t hate or complain, but embrace it, love it, good or bad. Try, instead, to arouse a positive emotion, like joy, or humor, but not negative humor. Switch your thoughts to past successes, yours or others.
"Listen, the REAL goal, and where your effort should be, is that frame of mind I mentioned earlier: arousing that calm, still, contented feeling inside. You’ve seen how when a tuning fork is struck it arouses a similar vibration in another tuning fork across the room. Well this calm, peaceful, detached, inner harmonious vibration will arouse a similar harmonious vibration in your life. In other words, the harmony inside creates harmony outside. So the goal FIRST is to create that harmony inside, to go within, to ‘seek ye first the kingdom of heaven’ inside, not to manipulate and control what’s outside. That comes only after the inside is harmonious. Only then will you know the right things to change.
"I know it’s hard to keep that inner balance when you’re around people. Drawn in conversation and activity, you become distracted, emotional, off balance. That’s when great effort to maintain that calm contentment inside is required. Be mindful of it even in activity.
"And don’t watch life with that impatient, discontented, or frustrated feeling inside, thinking your goal is waiting for this or that to happen.... or begin.... or end. That’s not where your focus should be. Focus not so much on what you need to do, but how you are inside. That which is going on outside is only in the material world; it doesn’t have to affect your mental world. Quit reacting inside to outside things. Arouse that balanced calm, a peaceful inside smile, and the rest will eventually take care of itself.
"Anyway, that’s what I’m taught and it works for me."
Excerpt Three
Forment shakes off the 6, who drops back and gives way. Zoominator passes the tiring 6. Now, at the top of the stretch, it’s just Forment and Zoominator. Forment changes leads, and his jockey looks back quickly and sees Zoominator gaining on his two-length lead. He raises the whip and cracks the back of Forment. Onata, on Zoominator, waits until his horse changes leads, and now he too squeezes his whip and goes to work, whipping and thrashing. Mid-stretch, the jockey on Forment is whipping hard now, switching hands, whipping the back hindquarter, then the front, looking for a spot that would sting and enliven the horse with adrenaline.
The announcer shouts: "Forment has a two-length lead, but Zoominator is gaining willingly."
Zoominator is gaining, but the finish line is coming up quickly. Too quickly for Roger, who hollers out, "Hit ‘em harder!" In deep stretch Forment begins to shorten stride, but still has a one-length lead. Mel and Wayne sit transfixed, stomachs churning, hearts pounding, with their muscles tensing tighter and tighter. They lean toward the finish line, straining, trying to magically grab Zoominator and pull him ahead.
Approaching the finish line, Forment is tiring more, but still leads a quarter-length. Zoominator is gaining on the stubborn Forment, but more slowly now. Onata, riding hard, looks almost panicky as he switches hands, and now whips Zoominator on the left side, urging him forward. The horse is all out, every muscle straining, giving all he has.
"It’s going to be close," shouts the announcer. "Forment’s determined, but grudgingly giving ground. Zoominator is still game and slowly gaining." He shouts louder, "Now they’re on even t