There's Always a Rainbow

"I'm sorry, Annette. You have cancer."

The doctor's words took my breath away. At age 28, and seven months into a pregnancy with twins, the word 'cancer' was the last thing I expected to hear. Tears welled up in my eyes. I blinked them back while focusing on the dots in the ceiling of the recovery room. Cancer!  At that moment everything became a blur. I kept hearing the echo of that word -- cancer-- over and over in my mind. How could this happen to me? The numbness of shock washed over me as my husband David appeared by my side to hold my hand. His eyes were swollen and red; his cheeks wet as he looked into my face. Neither of us knew what lay ahead.

My biopsy was done as an outpatient procedure using a local anesthetic. For some reason I didn't numb up like I should have so I felt quite a bit of it. They couldn't put me under general anesthesia because I was pregnant and it was too risky for the babies. He took a couple little pieces, sent it directly to the lab and had them rush the results. By the time I was wheeled into recovery he had arrived to give me the bad news. "I'm sorry Annette, you have cancer."

My heart quickened. My hands protectively clutched my stomach. In one way I was so full of life. How could my body now rebel against me? The lumps are cancerous. I could die. Oh my gosh, what do I do now? This was unbelievable. David and I cried a long time. I had never known anyone dealing with breast cancer. I had no idea what I was facing. Trying to lighten the mood I joked to David, "Oh well. I'll just have to get a better 'set.'" We laughed but the situation was still very hard to deal with.

David asked me, "Annette . . . how do you feel about all this?" I knew he meant spiritually.

I thought for few minutes and replied, "I'm sure I'll be okay. I know Heavenly Father wouldn't do this to me. He wouldn't let me die." I know that God doesn't do this to people, but I was hoping the odds were for me, you know -- 28 years old, pregnant with twins.... I mean how many cases have you ever heard of a woman having breast cancer that young and pregnant with twins? I learned that at that time I set the record at Cottonwood Hospital for being the youngest person diagnosed with breast cancer. Gee... give me a medal.

After being told I had cancer it came as no surprise that I was hungry for knowledge. I went to the library and to several bookstores looking for books about breast cancer. What I found was extremely disappointing. First of all, the majority of books were depressing. The authors were mostly concerned with how deformed and maimed they had become. Others were angry and their bitterness shot off the page at me, which was distressing.  All of the authors were much older than I was. They didn't have small children at home or even children at all. I noticed a lot of the women didn't believe in God, or had different religious backgrounds than I did. I wanted to read a book written by a member of my own church, someone who had the same belief system and gospel knowledge that I had. I needed a book that made me feel better, not hopeless! But at that time, I didn't find anything.

One afternoon I was reading my patriarchal blessing and a sentence in it seemed to literally jump off the page at me. It said, "You have much to tell the world" and then it counseled me to be sure to write things down and keep a journal. That's when I had a really strong impression that I needed to write my story down. I don't know exactly what I have to tell the world, but I hope that I can offer words of hope, encouragement and peace to someone else who might be going through this same ordeal.