Letters To Eleanor:

Affection is not always a blessing available to children. For a young girl to be told by her mother that she lacked beauty and might make up for this with good manners was a severe psychological blow. Many years later her friend Rexford Tugwell commented on this and believed that her mother’s chiding was what made ER “so eager to please and so tolerant of others’ opinions.” Her son James felt ER “was haunted by being homely almost from the day she was born,” but he thought she more than made up for this by her “beautiful spirit.” Elliott Roosevelt also picked up his mother’s continuing concern with her appearance as did Lorena Hickok as late as 1932. ER’s mother, Anna Hall Roosevelt, also kept ER at a distance, while her father’s womanizing and drinking made close familial relations impossible. But despite her father’s shortcomings, he gave Eleanor the “badly needed reassurance” and love she needed. His untimely death when she was only ten years old was an irreparable loss. When coupled with the death of her mother and brother all within an eighteen month period ER was forced to cope without her immediate family at an early age.   After the death of her beloved father affection was a rarity in ER’s early life. Years later in Albany she related the story of her unhappy childhood to Frances Perkins, and as late as 1960 she could write about the things she wanted to do “that would win me the affection I craved.” Could this explain her work to help individuals and groups in difficulty?  Did her personal struggle enable her to reach out through deeds, writing, and legislation to meet the unmet needs of others who were suffering?  And as she relates in her Autobiography, was she the dreamworld heroine of her childhood who did the good deeds that would bring her love?   It seems very likely that the emotional deficit of her youth caused young Eleanor to reach out to others who led stressful lives, and in doing so, win the affection and plaudits she seldom received as a girl.