Gems of Discovery

“Was it by choice, free-will, or necessity that this moment has arrived? Regardless, the need to understand cannot go unresolved.”

I never imagined that there would come a day when I would feel the need to come back alive, when I never died. In the three years since your death, I have questioned my own mortality and existence. There was a significant part of me that died with you. However, since that day, there has been a gradual rejuvenation that I fear my words will never be able to fully convey. The spirit and soul have taken on a new identity that communicates, is genuine in all emotions, and is in a constant state of flux between tranquility and restlessness.

I even question whether the word “death” can be used in conveying the total end of the soul. What I do know is that when you left this world, there was an intense period of anger, depression, reflection, and questioning. It is not that I no longer see the virtue in my daily routines, habits, and work. I have returned to some semblance of my life before your parting. I have however become keenly aware that there has to be more. I do not suggest that everyone should agree with this point of view. I once thought it absurd to accept a possible immortality to my soul. However, your death brought on that need to have assurance that we would see each other again. It should though, be balanced with the span of my life here, in fulfilling my individual purpose and responsibilities.

What is “death” then? Will I really die, or is this world merely a stage that prepares my soul to pass onto further levels of transformation and existence. These years have manifested emotions that I did not know existed within me. As much as I thought I could control my every reaction during my period of grief, rarely was there any manner of rationalizing my reactions. So, I am forced to understand and enhance that part of me that for so many years seemed dormant. During this period, I have also come to the conclusion that “death” is only the end of this stage, and what is to follow I cannot even begin to comprehend.

I will not permit myself to label your “death” as negative. This in no way indicates that I do not desire to still have you here, or disregard the event. We had envisioned our future, based on the foundation of our deepest love, filled with all the joys and frustrations that life would bestow. The manner in which you departed will not be disclosed, as the pain of those memories has subsided a bit. I have no choice but to try and build hope, love, and a total transformation of my spirit and soul.

The greatest challenge has been to maintain the appearance and image of my life before your parting, while allowing the inward growth and unspoken voice of my soul to flourish. The intensity by which my soul speaks is not stifled by anything that happens in this world. There is happiness in knowing that the soul can offer a peaceful solitude, immersed in a mass of worldly confusion. However, there is a bit of disappointment when coming to the recognition that the potential of the soul is often hindered by my surrounding environment.

I am confronted by the harsh reality that my soul is ultimately as transient as every breeze that passes by, but also is as effervescent as a sunlit sky. The secret to this rejuvenation lies in the ability to grasp and notice aspects of life that would ordinarily pass us by.

I was twenty-seven years old when I had to face your death. There was a period when I never imagined life would be joyous again. The thought of living a life that would be sheltered from any pain or harm was an impossible illusion. The harsh reality lies in knowing that we all will ultimately leave this world, and are therefore left to spend some time reflecting on the meaning of life here, and going forward with what needs to be done. All the while, this phase is set with the hope and faith that the journey of my soul beyond here will not only be a continuation of this life, but will be more abundant in expression and availability of the innate goodness that is ultimately at the core of every human soul.

The path to seeking a greater understanding remains unique to every individual, based on personal circumstances and desire. The end of darkness has brought forth an incredible voyage of my spirit. This journey is not one that is traveled by physical means, but entails a search based on the soul, spirit, and mind. If allowed, the soul can soar every moment of every day, boundless by any physical limit or barrier. I truly believe that the soul has no boundaries on its essence, and enlightenment. The challenge lies in the search for truth and understanding of my soul. It all begins with the need to search and seek for answers.

“Pain can be the greatest reward, if it entails an investigation of its source, and the subsequent cure of the soul and spirit.”