I'm An Idiot, You're An Idiot
by
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What the Hell Is This Crap?!
Gil knocked on the office door, even though it was already open. “Hey, Danny! How did you enjoy your first week here?”
Danny finished putting away some papers in his filing cabinet. “Things are fine, Gil. Thanks for asking.”
“You want to go out for lunch? My treat.”
“Sounds great. Just let me clean up a bit.”
Just then, a man breezed through the hallway, and Gil called out to him. “Hey, Stan! Come here a moment, would you?”
Stan scowled but poked his head into the office. “What the hell is this crap?”
Gil seemed to ignore the hostile tone. “Danny, this is Stan Rossenburg. Stan, I’d like you to meet Danny Evans, our new clerk in Accounting. We were just going to lunch. Want to join us?”
“No thanks, I’m not hungry.”
Danny waved at Stan. “Nice meeting you, Stan!”
Stan nodded. “Nice ass,” he said, before disappearing down the hallway.
Gil nodded as Stan left then turned back to Danny. “Stan’s a good guy,” he said. “Really sharp.”
Danny paused, his brow furrowed. “Gil, did, uh,…did that guy just say that I had a nice ass?”
“What? Oh, yeah, probably. Have you heard of Tourette’s Syndrome?”
“The disorder that causes people to spout out inappropriate remarks?”
“That’s the very one I refer to. Well, Stan has an extremely bad case of that.”
“How—bad—izzit?” Danny asked, in an oddly stilted manner.
“It’s so bad that Stan is literally incapable of saying anything other than ‘What the hell is this crap,’ ‘No thanks, I’m not hungry,’ and ‘Nice ass.’”
“That’s absurd!” Danny exclaimed. “I’ve never heard of a condition that prevents someone from saying anything other than, ‘What the hell is this crap,’ ‘No thanks, I’m not hungry,’ and ‘Nice ass.’”
“And yet it’s true,” Gil insisted. “He can say only those phrases: ‘What the hell is this crap,’ ‘No thanks, I’m not hungry,’ and ‘Nice ass.’”
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About the Book
“Cows from Outer Space.” “Why I Ate My Husband.” “Jesus Returns, and the Christians Think He’s Nuts.” These and other pieces of unintentional genius from the demented mind of Richard Scott complete this collection of hilarious short stories and idiotic comedy bits. Scott’s comedy ranges from the highbrow “Toilet Humour” to the historical docu-drama, “I Heard the President Fart.” From the absurd “Toast Hunters of the Amazon,” to the surreal “My Father the Android,” to the farcical “Dances Like Jew,” to the ridiculous “The Adventures of Superman’s Pants,” I’m an Idiot, You’re an Idiot is guaranteed to make readers laugh like the idiots we all are.
Read what the critics say!
“It’s not the worst thing I’ve read.”—Rachel Scott, mother
“Needs more pictures to color.”—George W. Bush
“LOL!! :-))))) WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?”—random Internet blogger
“Did he spell his name right?”—Arthur Scott, father
“Hey, buddy, I don’t take personal checks.”—Mistress Dominix
About the Author
Richard Scott is a contributor to alternative news publications in Duluth, MN, including the Reader Weekly, which carries his cartoons, After Life and Lucifer for Congress. In 2000, his first book, Billy Joel: All About Soul, became a national phenomenon, selling literally dozens of copies. His second book, I Hate Bush and So Do You, was published in 2003 under the ridiculous pen name "Jason Johnson" in order to prevent his arrest under the Patriot Act. It worked: Scott is currently not in prison, living safely in his parents'' basement, where he repeatedly assures the world that he is single by choice.