A Relational View of Righteousness

It is said that most relationships are built on a need-solution basis; however, far from it I have discovered that most relationships are actually by and large formed on the basis of desire rather than need, because desire is not always preceded by need. It is therefore not surprising to find that success in the majority of cases will only last for as long as the solution to the need is desired. That helps to explain the existence of all types of relationships that do not appear to serve any real purpose, as well as the existence of failed relationships even where there is a need. For example I may have a need for companionship or friendship but yet have no desire for a friend. In some cases the relationship may go into suspended animation for a time until a desire arises again before the relationship is reactivated. Some of the basic reasons for failed relationships may include;

        I.      The need being or appearing to have been met and thus an absence of desire for the relationship.

     II.      The need changes thus changing with it any resulting desire for a relationship.

   III.      The other party is deemed no longer desirable either because they are unable to be or provide an answer to a particular need or because they have become just undesirable for whatever reason.

  IV.      Alternative more attractive and desirable relationships have been found.

     V.      We may just choose to change our mind about what we may have perceived as being our desire for a given relationship, individual or group of people.

Remember that these may not necessarily be acknowledged as the reasons for the failed relationships. Be that as it may, we ought to know that the first precondition for any relationship is to understand the role that we are to play in that particular relationship. This process of articulation of role can be simple or complex depending upon our willingness to play by the rules as they were intended by God and not our own vain attempts to legitimise our selfishness. Unfortunately the majority of us have for a long period of time and not before we find ourselves in trouble continued to invent new criteria to suit the “spirit of decaffeination” that drives us. That is why desire rather than need tends to be the overriding reason for relating.