Single, Saved & Celibate
A Real Woman's Guide To Getting It All Without Giving It Up
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LESSON #1
Loneliness is Not Fatal
The first thing I need you to understand is that loneliness will not kill you. It may sting like the dickens and you might wish you could lay down and die (if only to cause the last or current bad dating choice to realize what he’s lost), but when it’s all said and done, you will survive this awful feeling. You will live and yes, you will even love again. You have the ability within you to survive, even if you don’t recognize it; even if your life circumstances have caused you to doubt it. Just hold on. Help is on the way.
The feeling of loneliness is a lot like the sound of darkness. It’s cold and a little hallow, so it reverberates against the walls of your heart and your mind. The sound gets louder and the feeling deeper until it threatens to either deafen you or simply swallow you up whole. I know the feeling because emotionally I’ve been where you’re living. A heart mending can feel an awful lot like a heart breaking. It’s the weight of the memories I suppose. We all miss the kind of love that’s obvious and breathtaking during those awful, lonely times. We miss having someone in our life who really desires to be with us and who will protect and cherish us.
All too often I see intelligent, beautiful, gifted sisters falling for the lie. We give in and give it up, only to realize a temporary solution, won’t fix anything at all, because the solution is not real.
The good news is that loneliness no longer need be your bottomless pit. There is a way up and out of the lonely trap. You have options. From this day forward, you can reframe the way you view loneliness. You can choose to do something positive to get through the feelings rather than allowing them to control you. Ask yourself if you are ready to learn the lesson: Loneliness is not fatal.
Remember we who are in Christ are never really alone. Nothing can separate you from Him.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 NIV
If you are not quite convinced, reread this chapter and commit to pray about the message before moving forward. I believe God is preparing and strengthening an army of strong women to move forward in life and in ministry. It is not by chance that you have chosen this study. If you are feeling uncertain, give it time. God is faithful He promises never to leave or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6. He promises to give you what you need to make it. (Matthew 7-8.) God wants to heal your hurt and restore your joy. He desires to prosper and not harm you (Jeremiah 29:11). Let’s move to higher ground together.
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About the Book
If you are divorced, widowed, or coming to know the Lord after your thirtieth birthday; if you have a couple of kids; if you carry your share of wounds from love’s many battles; or if you are simply struggling with the question of how anyone with normal thoughts or urges manages to remain celibate (and content), you will want to keep reading.
If you are a Real Woman who honestly desires to live holy, but who is struggling to find a way to do so while maintaining her identity as a beautiful, vibrant, mature, fun, and yes, sensual woman, I have a recipe for you!
About the Author
DENISE LUTCHER HADLEY, Psy.D.
COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGIST
CERTIFIED ALCOHOL & DRUG COUNSELOR
SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT, NORTH AMERICAN PROGRAMS
CITYTEAM MINISTRIES
Dr. Hadley is a graduate of
Over the past twenty-five years, Dr. Hadley has gained vast clinical experience working with various populations, including women in transition, couples, adolescents, children, HIV-positive clients, patients in residential treatment settings, juvenile offenders, and sexual abuse survivors. She also teaches at the undergraduate and graduate levels.
Dr. Hadley currently oversees the North American-based programs of CityTeam Ministries, a non-profit, non-denominational Christian community service agency serving the hungry and homeless in cities throughout the nation and through partnerships in several international locations.
In 1994, Dr. Hadley was commissioned to develop a residential treatment program for addicted, abused, and homeless women with children, with the goal of providing a vehicle for these women to become self-sufficient, contributing members of society. House of Grace remains one of the few programs where a woman can recover from her addiction without being forced to separate from her young children.
Dr. Hadley actively contributes to the community as a senior fellow of the
Dr. Hadley is a native Californian. She currently makes her home in