A Few Good Thoughts

I was very young and in a boarding school which meant that I got to see my parents once a month if I was lucky. On one of his visits to see me and my sisters, my dad came with an aunty and after a few hours of catching up and the hugs and kisses that came with it, the time came for my dad to leave. This is usually a time of sorrow and happiness. Sorrow because I knew I might not see my favourite man for a few weeks and happiness because I knew he would usually give me my pocket money before he goes. He dipped his hand into his pocket and handed me a currency note and I knew instantly that the money he gave me will not last a week even if I tried hard to stretch it. So what did I do? I flipped and threw a massive tantrum. I jumped up and down like a raving lunatic and shredded the note beyond recognition. My dad ignoring my act of psychosis, walked gently towards his car with my aunty, they got in, he started the engine and off they went. But l can only think that my dad had underestimated the determination of a ‘child scorned’. I ran after his car and jumped right in front of it with no care of what might happen to the skinny legs that I had. He had to stop, he was not going to run over his only son, but it was obvious that he was upset by my actions. He was so mad that he could kill me provided someone could assure him that he would not be imprisoned afterwards. Anyway he gave me ‘the look’ and drove off.

What I did not realise was that every other student was gathered in front of the hostel watching the spectacle that was going on. I shamefully walked back to the hostel thinking to myself ‘I am a dead boy’. True to my speculation, as soon I walked into the hostel, the matron called me to her office, and introduced me to a cane which was much taller than I was. She told me in no uncertain terms that she was going to beat the living day light out of me for my act of lunacy. I had never been so scared in my whole life – I stood there feeling very vulnerable and helpless. No one was going to save me – not even the angels were going to rescue me from the wrath of the rather scary woman with a screwed up face standing in front of me. I gave up any hope of mercy and waited for the cane to inflict some throbbing on my poor body, aided by ‘Miss Happy’ (very ironic).

I had given up any hope of being redeemed and then suddenly there was voice behind me saying “that’s ok, I will deal with this my own way” – it was Daddy!

I jumped on him like I had never jumped before – “Thank you dad for coming back to forgive me and save me from Miss Happy” I uttered these words with tears in my beautiful eyes.

My dad told me that what I did was not very nice, he told me that he will not be giving me any more money as a form of punishment for my sins; he kissed me and promised to see me the following weekend – what a relieve. He finally went back to the matron and told her clearly, “do not touch my son, I have dealt with the situation myself” – “You tell her daddy”!

For as long you live on this wonderful place called earth, people will offend you, and people that are closer to you will tend to offend you the most. Many times we hear about forgiving people so that our own sins can be forgiven – a theory otherwise called selfishness; we hear about forgiving people so that we could set those that offend us free from our hearts, hence experience freedom – a phenomenon better described as self-centeredness; we sometimes forgive those that offend us so that we can experience some sort of self satisfaction – a term better referred to as Me! Me!! Me!!!

True forgiveness is achieved when you do it because you love who ever had offended so much so that you do not want to see them loose their way because of what they might have done wrong. You reach the height of real forgiveness when you forgive because the relationship has to be mended so that you can continue to positively influence the offender’s life. You truly forgive when you know that there is still more to do in the other person’s life and you need to break down any barrier that may want to prevent this from happening.

You forgive to save the offender from the wrath of Miss Happy!

You truly forgive when it’s all about the offender and not about what you might gain by being forgiving.