Me

            I’m just a man trying to find where I fit in life.  For years I found happiness at the bottom of a bottle (Doctor or Captain) and at the bottom of a bag (marijuana and or mushrooms).  I filled the void in my life with alcohol, drugs and the sexual conquest.  I could fill the pages of a book with all the gratuitous sex, drugs, and drink-till-you-puke nights and weekends I have experienced, if I could remember them.  Basically my life was an endless cycle of monotony.  Here’s a tiny bit of where I’m coming from.

My average seemingly endless long day of high school included the frequent before, during, and after school toke and a short night of hanging with my friends and planning the following weekend’s drunken escapades.  After leaving school with a “C” average, which was good enough for me, I started working full-time.  Sure, I had dreams of going to college, but school doesn’t pay that well.  I did eventually save enough money to go to college.  For the first semester I had to work full-time and go to school at night to be able to afford to pay for school and my normal living expenses.  My only escape was meeting my friends Friday and Saturday night and drinking away what I had learned the week prior.  The only goal I had was to go to college with my high school sweetheart, but I was not a faithful boyfriend; I had never had a girlfriend that I did not cheat on and our relationship was no different.

I told myself, “I’ll be happy when I’m away from home and partying with the college crowd.”  But just as I had told myself life would be great when high school ended, college was just as big of a disappointment.  College consists of homework (three times as tough), papers (5-10 pages longer), and the Thursday and Friday night parties (similar to high school).  At the end of these college parties a person would leave with someone or stumble home alone, but no one had to check in with their parents.  Ya, it was fun at first, the days were short and the women were many, but it didn’t take long before even these nights were just as repetitious as my high school nights.  It was not long before I was put on anti-depressants and the vicious cycle had begun again.  The difference was that this time I now had a doctor’s excuse to medicate my problems.

 Chapter 2

Atheism

I wondered about deep subjects while I was stoned.  I wondered about aliens, one’s soul, and the existence of a higher power or “God”.  I was told there was a god by my parents, but they were divorced when I was 5 years old and I heard them say so many different things, I couldn’t put my eternal life (if there is one) in the hands of my parents.  Freshman year of college my life changed forever, when I decided to do my Biology final on evolution.  Through this paper I would once and for all prove without a doubt if a god did or did not exist.  If evolution did happen then we are nothing more than cosmic dust come to life over billions of years.  If this is true, then human life is nothing more than an accident, and my life truly has no eternal purpose.  While if this is false and the contrary is true it would open up a whole new world I had not yet considered.

So I began my study.  First of all I needed to study evolution.  There are only two things that could have happened if evolution exists; either evolution occurred through completely random events and is supported by evidence, or it was guided and lacks the evidence to support its gradual macroevolution.