Can You Hear What My Eyes are Saying?
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All of a sudden, I felt the car slow and heard the brakes squeal. A feeling of impending doom came over me. Oh no, I thought. I am in trouble now, big trouble. How could I have forgotten his rules? Mom had warned me to be quiet. He quickly swerved to the side of the road. Suddenly, the car door beside me flew open. He grabbed me by my hair, yanking me out of the car; then threw me. I found myself against the car. My head kept hitting the metal of the car trunk. I lost all sense of direction. My head was spinning. Through my tears, I kept attempting to talk. I remember begging, "Please, don't hit my head." I began hyperventilating. The burning sensation of my hair being pulled returned repeatedly. He kept repeating, "Shut up." My nose began throbbing. It had been broken when I was six. I kept remembering what the doctor had told my mom, "If she breaks her nose again, the small bones that have been shattered, may be forced into her brain cavity and kill her." Right now, I did not care if I died or not. I quickly ran my hand across my face, checking for blood.. It seemed as if he would never stop hitting me. Suddenly, I fell into some muddy water. As, I attempted to pick myself up out of the mud puddle, he shoved me back against the car. My books and homework papers flew everywhere. By now, my mom was out of the car and yelling at him to stop this. I felt my eye throbbing. I kept wondering just how long this would last. We were all alone in the country and not one car had passed by. There was no one around to help me. The only refuge in sight was a trailer just up the road about a quarter of a mile. I knew the people who lived there. I also knew that they would not want to get involved in this mess. I cannot run, I thought. Dad always said, "If you ever run away, do not bother to come back." "You will not have a place to come back to." A sudden yank of my hair once again, brought me back to a harsh reality. Suddenly, as fast as I was snatched out of the vehicle, I went flying back in. "Now sit the hell down and shut the hell up." "I do not want to see you studying, hear you asking questions, or even opening
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About the Book
About the Author
Janet Neville is a wife and mother of two, who resides in a small Southeastern town in Ohio, with her husband, Jim. She graduated in 1977 with a degree as a Licensed Practical Nurse, then went on to earn an Associate’s degree in nursing in 1997. She has dedicated twenty-two years of her life to working in different areas of nursing; the last being her true love, the intensive care unit.
She first began writing poetry in 1972, in an attempt to deal with the ravages of emotional and physical child- abuse; while struggling to excel academically in order to make a new life for herself. Denied the right to write her feelings down on paper, she was forced to hide her poetry under the linoleum in her bedroom and convince others that she was, ‘just a klutz kid.’
This book maps out her roller coaster ride from child abuse and rejection; to self-abuse and self-rejection; from a desperate attempt to end her own life, to a struggle to save it. Finally, after years of hiding her poetry she is now using it in her therapy sessions to work toward peace and self-acceptance.