Knee High To A Grasshopper
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August 1988 was a bit of bastard by all accounts. Taylor Dayne wanted you to tell it to her heart, Michael Jackson was with Dirty Diana and the Communards never could say goodbye. Sadly, Neil McDonald, Paul Goddard, Paul Gascoigne and my father could. I mean at the time I didn’t really know that. I knew Goddard had found Derby County (and Arthur Cox) and I knew that Paul Gascoigne had found Spurs (and Chris Waddle). Of course I knew that Neil McDonald had found Everton; we were playing them first game of the season, but I had no idea that Dad had found this Rachel woman. It was a strange time, the 88 / 89 season. Liverpool had Sesame Street’s Bert & Ernie up front, Brian Clough was punching pitch-invaders at the City Ground and if you didn’t drink milk you’d only be good enough to play for Accrington Stanley. There’s things in life that you learn as you grow up; things that you discover as you become an adult that sometimes come as a shock to the once all-believing, all-innocent child. For example, the Toothfairy doesn’t exist, neither, sadly, does Santa Claus. Your favourite players kiss the badge and the shirt one week and then sign for another club the next. Your favourite Dad, your only Dad, can suddenly pack his bags and up and leave and Berlinda Carlisle isn’t actually from Carlisle even though Hebburn is indeed a place on earth. And of course, you can spend millions on new players and somehow, somehow, you’re still shit. For reasons I can only attribute to childhood innocence I genuinely thought we’d do all right that season, 88 / 89. We got relegated. And even after all these years I never cease to amaze myself how wrong I can get my predictions. From that first occasion in August 1988 when I confidently predicted a top 5 finish I have gone on to systematically prove that I really do know fuck all about football.
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About the Book
August 1982. The eve of the new season. Jackie Scott stumbles merrily out of the Wallsend Social Club and makes his way home. He wakes his 7-year-old son Terry and tells him that the glory days are set to return to Tyneside: Newcastle United have signed Kevin Keegan and the bairn will be there to see it all.
The following Saturday Special K scores the winner on his debut as Newcastle beat QPR 1-0 at Gallowgate. And just as Keegan’s love affair with United begins, so too does Terry’s.
About the Author
KNEE HIGH TO A GRASSHOPPER is a must for football fans everywhere, especially those of Newcastle United. The story is based around the theory that if man loved woman as much as he loved football there’d be no such thing as divorce.
This book is for anyone who has ever lost their heart, their money and their sanity to a football club; to anyone who has ever ruined a perfectly good relationship, and for anyone who has yet to find that special someone supposedly meant for everyone. From celebrating a goal with a friend and a stranger to breaking up with your girlfriend or your wife, this book is for you.
‘GRASSHOPPER is the second novel of Geordie writer Steph Lawton. The book follows on from his 2006 release DEAD UTTERINGS. Steph is currently working on his third novel THE COCAINE MONKEY, which will be published in 2009.