Vagabond

Chapter 1

David Helm was lying in bed in his small apartment, when his phone began ringing incessantly. As he stirred in response to the continued antagonist, he sat up and immediately grabbed his head with both hands, and wondered what fool would be calling him at this insane hour of the morning?

He glanced over at the clock on his bed stand, and was shocked to find that the hour was almost noon. He grasped three times at the phone before he finally got a hold of the infernal instrument. Then he was forced to hold the receiver away from his ear, as the voice coming in was loud, and the conversation so rapid as to confound him completely.

Dammit! He thought. These hangovers are becoming a regular malady. But in all honesty, he had to admit that last night’s meeting at Ruben’s Steak House, was of great significance. He had successfully conned Ezra Jacobs, Mitchell Morgan, Timothy Aldrich, and even his old friend the ex-cop, Daniel O‘Brien, to finance his proposed jaunt into the Amazon in search of gold. Dan O’Brien of course, would be the only one actually coming with him.

As he thought these thoughts, and was about to place the phone back to his ear in order to hush this talkative individual that he knew was Ezra, so they might more rationally communicate, the doorbell rang.

Then there came a knock, then the chimes of the doorbell again, then again the knocking. David continued to hold what he referred to as his walk-around phone, away from his ear, though he could still hear the man flapping his jaw, and got out of bed to answer the persistent sonofabitch at the door.

David Helm slept in the raw, and in his perverse mood on this morning, he decided to answer the door, clad as was. Give ‘em a little shock, he thought, in return for their obnoxious relentlessness. Who knows? He thought further, maybe it’s the landlady and I’ll get lucky.

On his way to answer the door, he couldn’t help but observe himself in the full-length mirror that hung there. He smiled in satisfaction, though he already knew that he was fairly well endowed. He was also well built, with defined muscularity bulging almost everywhere, but particularly on his upper body. He was six feet two inches tall, and weighed two hundred and twenty pounds. He noticed his dark brown hair, showing a little gray at the temples, desperately needed combing. He had piercing, brown eyes. In fact, they were almost black, and set wide apart in a face he thought was not really handsome, but certainly had character. His nose might have been a little bigger than he would have liked. All in all, he didn’t look to bad, he thought. But then he looked down at his chest and frowned.

“You sure are a hairy bastard, though,” he grumbled, as he reached for the door handle.

He opened his door and found himself starring into the barrel of a revolver. The caliber of which, he determined to be at least a five thousand millimeter. It had to be, he thought, the damn thing looked to be at least five foot in diameter. Then it dawned on him that this was about the two most inept thieves—and he was certain that’s what they were—that anyone could imagine.

One was obviously a man, the other a woman, or young girl. And David couldn’t help but remember scenes from The Lone Ranger movies he had watched in his childhood. Even back then, he had always wondered what made that western movie hero, think that no one would recognize him with his skimpy, black mask, covering only the area around his eyes.

These two obviously young people suffered from the same insanity as the Lone Ranger. David knew immediately that he would recognize either of them, anytime, anyplace. But even more ludicrous, was the fact that neither of these thieves made a single sound, or even a single move. They just stood there, while David Helm snickered at the fools, and slammed the door in their faces. Must have shocked the livin’ hell out of ‘em with my magnificent nudity, he thought.

He returned to his bedroom, thinking that he most definitely had to move to a better neighborhood. He also waited and listened to see if his potential intruders would make a noise; shoot their gun, anything. Absolutely nothing happened.

He had long sense recognized the voice on the phone, and decided it was time to interrupt the mouthy sonofabitch, and interject some of his own thoughts.

“Ezra! Shut your damned mouth for a minute, will ya’?”

The voice on the other end of the line began to stutter and stammer. “You can’t talk to me like that. I’m’ the one that got you your investors, and your money."

“Ezra!” David said in a sarcastic tone. “The way I feel this morning, you can stick the money, along with your investors, where the sun don't shine.”