Concerto of Life

Unlike Greg, Charles had had very little contact physical or otherwise to support his fear of being gay, yet he knew without a doubt it was true.  In fact his only point of reference was in his second year of Junior High school when he and a former classmate while wrestling on the playground of his school mutually discovered how stimulating the physical effects were. As they both grabbed each other and locked up close and tight, the effects of their physical struggle against each other became very clear.  As they both tried to pin the other down, the positive friction from  their thrashing bodies created an intense erotic reaction. Experiencing such physical pleasure, Charles was once again reminded of his sexual attraction to other males.  That one act, ignited strong feelings that he had suppressed since early childhood watching professional wrestling on TV with his grandfather and at the age of 5 or 6, feeling the tingling sensation as he watched the

 bare chest men in form fitting tights grapple and tussle with each other there on the screen.  When it was not that, it was the anticipation of the Saturday morning feast of Tarzan and/or Gladiator movies that often pitted the story’s villain against the hero in a hand to hand climactic ending where they locked up man to man and wrestled to see who would be victorious and therefore champion the cause of right vs. wrong!  At that early age wrestling was not only identified as his own personal pornography but as a metaphor for his struggle to accept his life as a gay male.  In fact it was the wrestling that awakened the sleeping giant that began to dominate his existence.  So much so, that he and the same classmate would begin and end the same ritual each day of baiting and challenging each other to wrestle in a secluded part of the school where they knowingly aroused each other with their physical struggle, but neither admitting what was obvious.