Invisible Tears
The Abuse The Rebellion The Survival despite all odds
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“What are you doing? For god’s sake. All I asked you to do is wash the dishes, and you can’t even do that without breaking something. You really are a clumsy little slut aren’t you?” The words flew into my ears and I cringed as I saw her coming down the hallway. This woman, my new mother and the cause of my pain, stood over me as I felt an open hand connect with the back of my head. I stumbled forward from the force behind the blow. She went on, “You think you’re clever! You’re not, you little shit. All you are is a worthless low-life. You should die and give someone else a chance at life. Why don’t you just do that? Or should I do it for you?” She rambled on, poison spewing from her lips. Once again the hand flew against me, but this time it was a hammer blow with fist clenched and I fell. She laughed at my feeble attempts to look strong and get away, my pathetic attempts to show her she couldn’t hurt me. But inside I knew better, she hurt me, she hurt me really bad all the time. When she paused for a moment I crawled onto my knees then stood up and ran up to my room. It was my only safe place, unless she followed. Sometimes she did and sometimes she didn’t. “That’s it! Run away you little weakling. I’m going to kill you one day. I hope you’re ready for that,” she bellowed. Her threats chased me up the stairs, and I flew into my room and slammed the door. I screamed out, “No!” I leaned with my back against the door thinking I was strong enough to stop her coming in if she tried. I cried and tears began to flow down my face. I rubbed my face and eyes with clenched fists so hard to stop the tears. I am not going to cry. She can’t make me cry anymore. I won’t let her. Once again, she’d succeeded in killing my spirit. I wanted to be strong, but I felt weak inside and out. All she had ever done was hurt me, and I could do nothing about it. Alex opened the door and saw me huddled in the corner behind my bed. He knew only too well what went on when daddy was out. He came and sat with me but said nothing. Reassurance was pointless. If he said it would be okay, he would be lying, because we both knew it wouldn’t be okay, ever.
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About the Book
This is the story of Abbie's struggle to survive, the grim details of child abuse of the worst kind all told from the perspective of a little girl. As a teenager Abbie is uncontrollable. A Modette during the 80's revival, she finds a love of scooters, rebellion and gang life on the wild side. Dulling her pain with alcohol, drugs and promiscuity at a very young age she loses control and becomes well known to the local police. Her family eventually disowns her realizing they are unable to help. Abbie finds herself in the care of the Court until she is abandoned by children's homes and Social Services too. Alone, penniless and pregnant at the age of 16, she is haunted by the secrets of her unspeakable past. Will anyone ever see her invisible tears?
About the Author
Abigail Lawrence is a pseudonym. At 43 years old she lives with her husband of 27 years on a farm with her dogs and horses. After raising her own children and expecting her first grandchild she now fosters children in care. She wrote this book hoping it will help someone else to survive too.