Depressing Poems for Happy People Volume II

DON’T YOU DARE

Don’t you dare put sugar in my tea!

Don’t fall asleep at half past eight,

Don’t dare to shrug when you’re looking at me,

Change your ways now! Before it’s too late:

Don’t you dare leave the toilet seat up!

Don’t ignore me when you watch TV.

Don’t hand me a drink in a dirty cup.

Don’t come too soon when you’re fucking me.

Don’t you dare, to chat up all the old girls;

When you go up to the corner shop!

Don’t forget to buy everything on the shopping list,

And don’t ever come home in a strop.

Don’t dare clean the floor stark-naked on your knees;

Your hairy bum is not a pretty sight.

Don’t beg to fondle my enormous boobs please,

Don’t make me think of you all night.

Don’t play with yourself when I am there

Don’t look at me with such love man.

Don’t speak to me, no! Don’t you dare

Unless of course, I say you can.

Don’t leave skid marks on your Calvin’s

Don’t forget to drive carefully.

Don’t forget to put out our wheelie bins.

And don’t ever dare to stop loving me!