Fearless At Any Cost
by
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Darkness was taking over the prison cell. It was not the darkness though, that you welcome in the idle minutes of the evening, relaxing in your easy chair, or laying in bed, giving well-deserved rest to your mind and body after a busy day.
No, this darkness didn’t rock you to sleep, neither did it bring sweet, angelic dreams. This darkness did not bring a softly caressing mate, who fragrance would fill the night, who would whisper loving words into your ears.
No, this was the darkest of all darkness. Its generous presents were fear, fright and nightmares given freely night after night. My teeth were chattering and my eyes filled with tears every dark night. I was approaching the finality of total mental breakdown.
Prison cell; many shrug off the idea with vacant eyes, and those are probably the better half of the population. Others would say, that, “those in prison are there because they deserve it,” or “let them suffer in prison, let them repent during those long years.” But what about those innocents, who suffer fearing every new day, dreading every approaching night. Those, who try, with chattering teeth, to push the coming of the night out of their consciousness. Oh God! The terrors of the night! The terrors of those, longing for freedom.
The question of innocence, however can be discussed later. For now let’s get back in to the prison, where the innocent are sitting. All the cruelty, the fear, the sleepless nights, the beastly existence, everything considered evil, happened to me, putting the final stamp on my youth. I can now safely commit to paper all the terror inflicted upon me. Should I do this? Is there reason I still to be afraid? Should I be wary? No! I am free now! All these things happened in the Communist Rumania! It is miserable, humiliating to spend your days in a prison cell in Rumania. Even if you are lucky enough to get out sane, your first thoughts are of suicide. Yes! Suicide, to throw away the soiled flesh. Jump into a river. That should be good! The water might cleanse your dirtied body and soul. But what about your mind? Your once crystal clear thoughts?
Ah, forget the river, jump in front of a train! Let the train crush every last thought planted by the communists. Yes, the train, that will be good. This would truly happen, the suicide that is, if a loving person weren’t there with her protecting hands. She is there, in the crucial moment of your life, to prevent you from making the greatest mistake in your life, and with her outstretched arms fights a mighty battle against the idea of suicide. It is hard to defeat the idea of suicide, so she keeps her eyes on you all the time, never letting you out of her sight. Minutes pass this way. You, decided on suicide, she the protecting fortress. Time passes. Minutes turn to hours, hours to days. Than the days present you with more and more loving people who all join forces to battle the black thoughts of suicide, until they beat its last shadow out of your mind.
Finally love conquers the dark thoughts. Love guides you back into the routine of the everyday life. You continue your life living happiness, the sorrow, the worry it deals you daily, with a deep, a deep secret sigh, you never dare to shape into a word. “Freedom” this longing for freedom follows you everywhere. This word keeps on growing in you. It branches out, and oh, does it have flowers of sweet fragrance. The idea stays with you day and night. You whisper the word into your pillow, lest someone should hear it. Your whisper is so soft, you yourself might think it as a mere dream. But whether it is a dream or it is real, it is a cry for help. “God help me! Oh God help me to escape from communist Rumania. God, please help me.”
As you whisper this a thousand times a day, you shudder at every noise, worried that someone has heard your most secret prayer and squealed on you to the communists. That would mean they will take over your mind again.
You stop trusting your friends, never knowing who will turn you in, and then you get back in their hands again. You will be back in the prison, where torture to your body and mind might rekindle the idea of suicide again.
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About the Book
The book, “Fearless At Any Cost” sustains a real episode from the life of the author during the 1980’s in communist Romania. In a country, where the expansion and public adoration of communism were holy laws. In a country, where contradicting communism and its faithful followers were synonymous with death. In a country, where the spokesmen of religion or of human rights were prosecuted. From this country, I, the author, tried to escape, longing for freedom. My first attempt to escape was unsuccessful. I was caught at the Romanian border. In this book, I had describe a faithfully all the suffering, the inhuman treatment I was subjected to. The unfair punishment of hard labor only to try to break my spirit, and my desire for freedom. Did they succeed? No. I had tried to escape a second time. Unfortunately, my second time had failed also. This time I wasn’t captured, for I had lost myself in a deadly swamp. This deadly swamp was my salvation, so I didn’t stand get back into the hands of the murderous communists, and didn’t stand in front of another unjust court. This second failed endeavor almost broke my fighting spirit. But what choice did I have? I was gambling with my young life, as a hustler and I risked everything again with a third try. I knew, this third one would be the last. Whether I make it or not, I won’t have another chance. For if I fail again, the protecting heroes of communism are going to finish me. At this time, luck was with me. My third attempt was the real thing. I succeeded and I finally achieved my long awaited freedom. In this book, I had described all the pain and suffering my family and I had to endure. Exciting complications, daring actions, overcoming deadly dangers, they are all here. I had described the seven days spent in a locked freight car without any food. All the real events of my escapade. The reader will find in this book every reason to respect freedom. Also, every reason to abhor communism. One can understand how often we are frighteningly close to death and hope redemption only from God. One can understand why thousands upon thousands had risked their life for freedom, and how it is that freedom is wroth all the pain and unjust suffering. In a communist country, to reach for freedom seems as realistic as to reach for the stars. The book: “Fearless At Any Cost” might bring tears into the eyes of the reader, until the happy ending, where he can sigh: “Thank God, after all that suffering he had reached his freedom.”
About the Author
Born in Romania in 1956 of Hungarian nationality. Growing up I learned from my father freedom is only in people’s dreams not existing in real life. From a young boy to adulthood I only had one dream to be in a free country. For that freedom, I put my life on the line. Finally I prevailed.