PLEASE REMEMBER MY NAME…AT MY FUNERAL
and bring some Chocolate Chip cookies with you
by
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Have you been to a funeral or memorial service that was especially meaningful and full of grace and hope? Hopefully, most of the services you've attended have been positive. Unfortunately, the opposite is sometimes true whereas the officiating clegyperson seems in a rush to finish and move on to a new project. On those occasions when the service seems impersonal, noxious, and obsessed with only thoughts of the eternal life but no interest in the deceased person's earthly life and relationships, the surviving families and mourners may feel like uninterested and uninvited guests to the service. The tenor and spirit of the service is directly tied to the attitude and pastoral care of the clergy leader, even when that person isn't familiar with the deceased person nor their family. This is summarized in the first chapter, "The 8 Minute Quickie." The author addresses the above issue, and also challenges some of our societal customs in the areas of loss and grief including an obsession with celebrating a life but not mouning a loss, the humorous and informative way to treat a funeral director, the power of the haunting song, "Taps," and a personal experience that helped the the author be more attuned to those dealing with potential end of life issues. Following the first part, the author recollects and reflects upon several subject items encountered in his life's journey including the importance of maintaining relational bridges, being somebody other than a self absorbed celebrity, and the need for good support when holding a meeting. Lastly, the author's final few chapters are about the nomadic lifesyle enjoyed by him and his wife including several humorous antecedents and insights incurred while traveling in their motorhome.
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About the Book
How would you like to be remembered at your funeral or memorial service? Perhaps you don't care although that's hard to believe. Would you care if the officiating person even mentions your name or anything about a few personal accomplishments or family relationships? As an emloyee of a funeral home following retirement from the United Methodist Church, the author witnessed numerous funeral services led by various clergy persons of different faith groups. Some services were well thought out and brought hope and healing to surviving persons. However, a number of those services indicated the opposite--services that were lethargic and impersonal by officiants who hardly mentioned a word about the deceased person including their name. It was almost as though the deceased person barely entered or exited their life's journey without any impact. The title of the book comes from some of those reflections while employed at the funeral home. The first part of the book provides some insights about funeral services, reflections on grief practices and cultural mores, and the raising of several issues that challenge a sometimes impersonal, pernicious, and apathethic clergy as to how grief ministry is provided. The book also provides several examples of outstanding clergy care and pastoral support during times of mourning. The second part of the book contains a few humorous thoughts on several practical issues that he has encountered. The book concludes with thoughts about the nomadic and traveling lifestyle that he and his wife have enjoyed for the last six years.
About the Author
The author is a retired Navy Chaplain and United Methodist minister. While serving in the Navy and civilian churches, he officiated at or assisted other clergy with numerous funeral/memorial services. Following retirement from the ministry, he worked as a non clergy employee of a funeral home and witnessed multi services from a different perspective. While employed, the author began to seriously formulate ideas about this book, particularly from the viewpoint of a clergyman observing how we view grief as a society, and how clergy provide grief ministry. The author has been married for almost 50 years to his wife, Mary, and they have three loving, passionate, independent minded, and loyal daughters. Their daughters are married to sons in law who are loved, and even liked, by the author and his wife and, hopefully, the feeling is mutual. They have been blessed with eight grandchildren. The author was born and raised in Pensacola, Florida and educated at Pensacola Jr. College, Troy University(B.S. in Psychology), and Candler School of Theology, Emory University(Master of Divinity). Under the Navy's Postgraduate program, he attended Iliff School of Theology attaining a Master of Arts in Religion degree with an emphasis in Ethics and Church and Society. The year of study awakened him to the exciting and dynamic world of ethics and how it relates to society as a whole. He will always view the professors at Iliff with gratitude for their challenges and guidance. Both the author and his sister, Jane, have always shared a love of travel and adventure. Fortunately, they've been able to accomplish both, and continue to do so today. He closes his pastoral prayers with thanks for his favorite food, Chocolate Chip cookies.