Still Alive
My journey through war, combat and the struggles of PTSD. And the Perils of Addiction. (And stage four cancer)
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In the darkness, I resigned myself that Buckshot and I would probably die before finding our way back. And then an unsolicited memory entered in my mind. I remembered the time, as a child of four, when I nearly drowned. I recalled the mysterious awareness that came to me as I was sinking to the bottom of the lake – the calming sensation that supplanted my panic. Inside my mind it had clearly said, “You’re not going to drown. Everything will be okay.” Immediately after that, I looked up through thousands of air bubbles to see my brother, Sammy, making his way toward me.
As I lay in a jungle twelve thousand miles from home, that same awareness I experienced while drowning seeped into my psyche. That is what I somehow understood while laying in a jungle populated by men who had never met me yet wished me dead. While my body ached from hunger, cramps, lacerations and bruises, that identical comprehension soothed my troubled spirit. When all odds seemed stacked against me, it was the inherent gift born within us all that surfaced. Hope. Hope buoyed my drowning spirit. It gave me a desire to continue when it would’ve been far easier to give up. The infinitesimal ember of hope said something good, whatever it might be, would allow me to reach the other side of this. It was hope and only hope that lifted me – encouraged me to fight for survival.
I prayed. Please help us, God.
Buckshot slept. I slept peacefully.
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About the Book
I’m quite certain that before you fi nish this book, you will not like me. I do not fl atter myself for I have discovered looking back on my life, I made many poor decisions. Nevertheless, I’ve been told by many is that war veterans, addicts and those who face deadly disease and those who have lost all hope can benefi t from what I’ve learned. You, my friends, like I continue striving to do, can persevere even when it seems the road before you leads to nothingness.
About the Author
Rusty Lee served as a correspondent during the Vietnam War, witnessing and taking part in several aspects of the war, including combat. Once returning to the states, aside from marrying and divorcing twice, he lived a "varied life," having succumbed to PTSD and drug addiction. After a long struggle, he finally got clean and sober and then became a proud father to a beautiful daughter. He worked as an addiction recovery counselor, formed his own home improvement business but later came down with cancer. He under went intensive treatment followed by surgery. After initially being given two months to live, he has survived over ten years. He now lives a quite life and his greatest joy is watching his daughter mature into a young woman.