Love Life

What motivates a child to learn everything he can? My mom might jokingly answer that question by saying, “A belt!” My father would say nothing. He never said anything, or anything worth listening to, especially since he wasn’t around through my growing years. You have to have a good experience with someone in order to miss them. And even though I love my pops, it’s not the same as the love I have for my other known family members. I can measure it by the feeling of grief at the mere thought of losing my mother compared to the lesser feeling at the thought of losing my dad. They say ignorance is bliss, but I say, only in certain circumstances. I never hated my father, but I hated the thought of, “What If? What would have happened if…?” I wondered. I felt so empty and incomplete, being a young man nurtured primarily by a woman. This left many questions unanswered. You know…the kind of questions better answered by a man, or a father figure so to speak. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful to my mother and would do anything for her, but unless you’ve experienced someone else’s pain you’ll never understand how it feels. In my pursuit of happiness and the answer to this question, I began on the path of failure, but ended up on the path to enlightenment. You see, my father, though he was absent, is the cause of my effect; or the true reason for my state of being. He even named me without knowing it. His absence has led me to explore things that I thought he failed to teach me. There were so many things that I thought that I could have learned that, I’ve pursued many things. A Jack of many trades so to speak. But a true master to none. I’d like to think that I know a little about many things, yet I know nothing at all. There is always more information to consume or more things to learn. All in all it has made me want to learn more but at a great since of confusion about which way to go. Early in adolescence I learned that education is the key to life. The Internet is such a great thing…it taught me so much and continues to teach me. It gave me an opportunity to satisfy my hunger for knowledge and filled my belly with priceless treasures. I’ve lost my fear of death, which allows me to explore and do things that most people will never do. I have one fear, and that is the fear of God. Someone asked me once, “What makes you a good candidate to tell anyone about anything.” I told that person that it takes a village to raise one child and it takes only one child to change a nation. I live by this creed: If someone wrote a book about you…would anyone want to read it? I vowed never to abandon my children the way my father abandoned me. In keeping this vow, I am motivated even more to learn. I want to make my life’s path so jagged that my kids will have several choices on who they want to become. This should make it easier for them by showing them that there are no limits. I guess my father helped me in a sense; because if he were there he probably would’ve taught me maybe one or two trades, like a mechanic or a plumber. Then I probably would’ve been satisfied with that and never pursued anything else. You see…my drive in life is fueled by my desire to find all kinds of new roots with which to establish myself. I also try to plant quality seeds into my own children to help them grow exponentially and establish themselves. I’ve learned a valuable lesson about myself; I can do anything I set my mind to, I am not confined to one trade or another nor am I confined to the limitations that people will try to place on me. Is my father’s absence the real cause of my effect? Maybe, but I’ll let you be the judge of that. Some years ago, one of my college professors asked me to write about cause and effect. The above passage was written, although edited, to answer that assignment and to address my own issues of being a fatherless son. It is a good example of how each of us is affected by the absence of just one of our parents. Even though I took my situation as an opportunity to better myself, some may use it as a crutch to destroy their lives.