My name is Ben, and I’m a Nurse / Addict
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I know something is wrong with me; I am not well, I can feel it. But I had this feeling long before I began using narcotics, and long before I moved up North. I try and remember when I was last happy, really happy. When I was married perhaps, to the woman I have been with for over eight years. No. Maybe when my child was born, which should be the happiest moment in every father’s life? No. Why can’t I remember feeling happy? I have a great job that I am good at and pays well, a beautiful home, a beautiful wife, a gorgeous little girl, supportive parents, I am educated, in good physical health, good looking, caring, friendly, funny…….why can I not remember for the life of me when I was last happy? I try and think back further, to when I was young, when life was less complicated. I need to remember when I stopped being content with my life. Some of my fondest memories are of when I was a child growing up in the small town of St. Anthony, NFLD, Canada. I was happy there, at least until that day when my life turned upside down, and everything changed. It was the worst day of my life. Worse than losing my license to practice, than being arrested, than going to recovery, or than standing before a judge facing jail time. And I haven’t been the same since.
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About the Book
I am writing to save my life; it’s the only thing that helps, like therapy in a way. I feel like a nurse again with a critical patient, but there is no doc on call, and the patient is me with severe chest pain. The computer desk is my stretcher, coffee is my nitro spray, cigarettes are my O2, and my pen is my IV. No morphine to numb the pain anymore though. My journal is my ECG and rhythm shows ventricular fibrillation. The laptop is my crash cart…clear…c’mon Ben…ECG still shows in v-fib…clear……/\....../\....../\......normal sinus rhythm…he’s OK...you’re…OK…it’s OK. Your family is here Ben, its over now and you’re going to be alright…I’m going to be alright…
About the Author
Ben graduated from St. Francis Xavier University in 2005 with a BSc degree in Nursing. He most recently worked in the northern town of Inuvik, NWT as an ER nurse. After becoming addicted to narcotics, losing his license, attending rehab, and being sentenced to house arrest, he published a book that tells it all. He now sells books full-time and resides in Halifax, NS.