Just Passing Through

In a clipped, measured accent Major V-119 said, “Hark, general; the crew grows restive. How long must we remain in orbit? Verily Sir. I beseech you to make contact.” With similar clipped accent General W-355 replied, “Anxiety dulls lucidity, major. Be brief, for I am presently restudying the ‘Old Report’ and ‘Recent Addendum.’ Upon completion I shall seek the crew’s mind; thence will the decision follow.” “I know no other choice but to land,” The major said. “So long have we hid in this orbit and durst not peep out, and all the while our planet expires.” “That we must find a new home planet lies beyond dispute. Whether it be Earth remains the question.” “Shall the crew’s opinion carry weight?” “Please, Major: will, not shall. Let us not trample the hallowed language of Shakespeare.” The major cringed. A smile cutting across his silvery-white face, the general said, “According to our commandments for planetary exploration, the decision falls upon the commanding general; however, the crew’s opinion will weigh heavily.” Then in a more conciliatory tone, “I share thy feelings, Major. We all grasp the gravity of our plight. And so, with thanks and pardon, I do dismiss thee to thy station, that I may complete my task.” “I do entreat thee to decide favorably and with haste, Sir.” “Duly noted, Major.” Turning away from Major V-119 the general turned to the summary page of the “Old Report,” dated 400 Zyzytia years earlier (ca. 1,000,000 Earth years). Translated into current English it read: “Earth thus appears to be the best candidate of the planets thus far explored. Though none seems entirely satisfactory, Earth’s salubrious atmosphere and temperature will require few adjustments. The most troubling issue with Planet Earth is its inhabitants. Only a few species of ants, bees, and other insects exhibit sufficient complexity, intelligence and social ability to interact cooperatively with Zyzytian settlers. The crude and hostile primate species we encountered demonstrate little potential for positive interaction.” The “Recent Addendum” describes a more recent orbital scan taken 410 Earth years ago): “Species evolution has occurred more rapidly on Earth than on Zyzytia, probably due to the higher revolution rate about its sun. Accordingly, one of the primates described in the “Old Report” has evolved into a relatively intelligent species that now dominates the planet. Called Homo sapiens, that species is extremely competitive and belligerent. Furthermore, their devotion to intellect-stifling religious beliefs has led to relentless wars of conquest over most of the planet. In fact, warfare became the driving force on Planet Earth when Homo sapiens appeared, which was after the “Old Report” was issued. “Given these findings we urge extreme caution. Careful contact by an exploratory delegation is recommended before making a final determination to land.” As he read, General W-355 made notes for the forthcoming meeting.