Both Sides

As a family doctor facing bilateral breast cancer, I had to find a way forward. The mental anguish with so many waves of bad news is terrifying. I used my psychotherapy tools on myself. I developed positive thinking cards to help me think differently. Most of these lines were created when I met obstacles and tried to look at them in a different light. By writing constructive phrases, and repeating them in hard times, the trust and belief that you have strength is there. The positive phrases overcome the suffering – not an instant happiness, simply a confidence to believe that around the corner it will get better and the phrases help you stay on that path. As cancer treatment ends, the comfort and support of frequent visits stops and you are on your own. It feels like the war is not over, yet everyone sees a “survivor,“ expecting a new normal. You feel far from that. Vulnerable and frightened, the confusion rules your mind. At these difficult points, my thinking cards helped reassure the thoughts of doubt and exhaustion to ones of belief and determination. It was about finding the motivation when you are scared and the perseverance in the weakest times. I learned to live in the present and reminded myself to notice my thoughts and find balance in the chaos. It was at these points of irritability and anxiety that I found art therapy. There was an apprehension to disclose my feelings in case of repercussions, both personally and professionally, yet this was too big to deal with alone. These were new boundaries for me. There is a catharsis as the emotional mind connects with the hand – a freedom to release bad feelings of uncertainty. As I looked at the pictures afterwards, the powerful artwork explained my pain, often accompanied with tears of loss. This process is part of the healing. The poems are emotional messages to the world and mantras of encouragement to myself. It shows that there is a warrior in all of us. That strength can be great and see us through the toughest times – the ones that no one could ever imagine – the ones that blindside you again and again until you feel you can’t get up. This is a handbook of positive thinking to help you think differently. I hope it will be bookmarked, stuffed into the chemo bag or on a dresser, knowing that when it is a tough day, you will remember to turn to that poem or chapter that helps you stay grounded and allows you to turn your thinking around. It is a handbook worth sharing for all of life’s adversities. INSPIRATION Inspiration is a spirit That dwells in the heart of perseverance, A smile that shines through adversity, A foot that steps into fear, A scarf that says I’m me, And no one can take that away. Scars of silent courage, Reports of cancer, not to define you, Strength to go on when weakened, Resilience to find happiness, Attitude to wear pink, Gratitude that friends are there, always, Belief that we have purpose, Not to be too proud to admit weaknesses, No need to compare to understand. Passion to share the joy of life, Fulfillment to get back what was taken away, Arms to wrap around your family, Endurance to last the course. An outlook to celebrate milestones, however small, Confidence that pales physical changes, Compassion that stings because you have been there, Not afraid to learn what is missing, Because you realize what you bring. An ear to listen to share the burden, Enthusiasm that is infectious, Respect that connects colleagues, Willpower to go beyond your comfort zone, Motivation that creates followers, A voice to tell the world what they don’t see.