54 Simple Truths
How to Face the Challenges of Life
by
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13. Organisations or places of work will always demand more than you can give.
Most of us want to do well at work, make the most of our skills and abilities, get some satisfaction from doing a good job, and be recognised and rewarded for doing so. Some call this a work ethic; some call it ambition – or both! Whatever you call it, it can do you in! It’s incredible what people do, risk, and give to progress their careers. However, this is only part of it. Seeking recognition and approval from the boss; becoming accepted as a valuable member of the team; gaining status, power, and control; creating a dependency on what you can do; and generating an increasing level of self-importance are all involved in the seductive process of work demanding more than you can give. You begin working longer hours, having breakfast meetings and meetings after work, taking work home at weekends, and even worse, reading work papers before you go to sleep!
You rationalise – saying it’s a phase, a busy period, a good investment time. This, of course, is self-deceptive nonsense!
You choose to put work first, believing you will be rewarded. Yes, you will be rewarded – by more work!
You forget you’re supposed to be working to live, not living to work. You become so busy that you get trapped in your own ego – the mask of the important person at work who is indispensable. You start saying, ‘They need me!’
It’s a slippery path because next you start neglecting your family and loved ones, and then wonder why, when you go on holiday, you spend half of it recovering from stress! Eventually, it will make you ill. You could burn out well before you achieve what you’re capable of achieving. So ask yourself – why are you working so hard? Have you got the work–life balance you want? Control work: don’t let it control you!
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The following are real examples, from my consultancy experience, when individuals got their work–life balance wrong.
The national account manager for a large IT company turned up at a hotel to register but couldn’t remember why he was there and what he was supposed to be doing or who he was to see. The hotel had to ring his office to get someone to help him, as he was just sitting in the lobby in a daze. Diagnosis: stress/burnout.
The regional manager of a telephone company was frequently leaving his meetings. When he was asked discreetly if he had a problem, he disclosed that he had diarrhoea for the past few weeks. He had not made a connection between stress at work and physical symptoms. Diagnosis: irritable bowel brought on by stress at work.
The organisation development manager casually mentioned to his medical consultant colleague that he had chest pain and thought it was indigestion. He was given an ECG and was admitted straight away. Blood tests confirmed some muscle damage; however, tests indicated no heart attack. Diagnosis: stress at work and home.
Deborah, a senior manager in a retail clothes company, commuted to work most days. This was a two-hour journey each way, on a clear run using the main motorway network. She indicated that it was a good use of her time, as when she was in standing traffic she could either answer and send emails on her BlackBerry or catch up with reading or make telephone calls. She normally left home in the morning between six and half past six and arrived home the same day around half past seven in the evening. Deborah was forced to take time off after a car accident gave her a broken sternum and severe whiplash injuries. Diagnoses: working and driving under stress; poor judgement all round.
It is so easy to get seduced into the importance of the job and the drive to do well and impress. It is important to take time out and ask: What is really important? What am I risking or taking for granted? At the end of the day, what’s it all for?
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Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold. But, other times, it is essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decisions in the day simply consist of choosing which colour to slide down on the rainbow.’
—Douglas Pagels
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About the Book
“This book gives plenty of information and ideas but more than that, it gives the reader hope. The hope that can lead to an honest reappraisal of our own experiences, and the confidence to be the person we most want to be. Who would benefit from this book? Anyone who wants to make the most of their life, and learn about living!” —Dr Mary Connor Author and Consultant in Coaching and Counselling. “This is a book that doesn’t pull its punches, which speaks honestly and directly about the challenges of life, offering advice from the author’s own experience and from the world’s wisdom. Dip into when you need to face up to harsh realities, when you need to hear a wise and friendly voice, when you need reminding that you are valuable and worthwhile.” —Susan Quilliam – Author of 21 books on relationship psychology, National Press journalist and broadcaster. “Although many of us can ask friends for advice, most of those friends will be unwilling to give advice which may be seen as insensitive or uncaring but which may be very much required. This book does what a really good friend should be able to do, that is give honest advice in a world that is not always fair or kind.” —Dr Niamh Leonard Consultant Histopathologist, St James Hospital, Dublin Michael Wash gives simple, practical and powerful lessons on the importance of choice and responsibility. His book guides you through stressful times with practical suggestions and reveals ways to make your actions more peaceful and caring. “54 Simple Truths” could save you a lot of grief. It may even save your life. —Niki Collins-Queen, Licensed Professional Counsellor
About the Author
At the age of fifteen, after spending eighteen months in a Catholic school, training for a life of a religious teacher as a De La Salle brother, I decided to come home and face the realities of a different type of family life. The desire within me to help others was still strong, and on the eve of me leaving to do voluntary services overseas at the age of seventeen, an opportunity to join the school of psychiatry as a student nurse was too much of a coincidence to ignore.
Those first few years working in a large mental institution in the early 1970s, wiped out any sense of remaining naivety or innocence I had about the capability of the human mind to destroy itself and others. My path was set, but I was unhappy to be constrained by ‘institutional walls,’ so after psychiatry, I trained as a general nurse, then as a tutor – and in my private practice, qualified as a counsellor and psychotherapist.
The constraining nature of the ‘health’ profession was still too much, so I decided to explore alternative career options. My horizon changed significantly when after writing a paper proposing that most senior managers suffer from organisational psychoses or neurosis, I was offered a job in a large telecommunications company. Here, I introduced counselling as a legitimate form of support for the business and the value of developing a supportive, ‘facilitative change management’ style of leadership. My premise was that large organisations damage your health – and it doesn’t have to be that way.
The irony was that during this time, I battled for six months against cancer, which created a greater strength and determination in me to carry on the path of ‘healing,’ whether in the context of work or family life. During these very formative years, I also experienced the tragic death of my mother. Following an accident, she was left in a coma for several years. Also, my little sister fell ill and endured years of kidney dialysis before dyeing aged 25 from hepatitis and kidney failure. As a trained nurse I was able to support her on home dialysis for several years.
I was married young, and one of the proudest moments of my life was witnessing the birth of my twin sons. The strain of tragedy, illness, and personal change was too much for my marriage, and divorce eventually cut the chains – enabling us both to be free and to find new happiness.
I have been running my own business for the past twenty years and feel very privileged to have worked with people and organisations passionate about wanting to change and discover their true potential. I am very happy, married to Mave, and enjoying my grandfather status and the attention of my sons and stepchildren.
The journey continues…