Breast Cancer Mardi Gras

Introduction

Sister: “How do you feel?”

Me: “It’s like I have the worst hangover ever with the added suffering of the flu. I’m nauseous; I ache all over; I feel miserable. I slept on my bathroom floor. It’s horrible. [Insert more awful stuff.] So what’s new with you?”

Sister: “Ummmmm … I have a zit …”

Me: (silence) … (and then I burst out laughing!)

If you are reading this book, you are probably either fighting your own cancer battle or have a friend who is fighting. Here are a few things you should know about me.

· I am not the kind of person who sits back and waits for life to happen to me. I want action, and I want it now!

· I am sarcastic and usually able to find something funny about most situations.

· I am blessed to have supportive family and friends, including a sister who kept me laughing through the entire ordeal.

· I was forty-one years old when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which made me mad as hell.

When I was diagnosed, I laughed. I cried. I drank wine. I bought new underwear (we’ll get to that). I laughed some more. Breast cancer is a serious topic. However, for me to mentally get through this journey, I had to poke fun at some of the absurdities along the way, such as the number of doctors and nurses playing with my boobs, squishing my boobs, poking my boobs, positioning my boobs, and—who could forget?—taking photos of my boobs. Yes, there were boob photos! Lots and lots of boob photos! And although I was horrified, a tiny voice inside my head wondered if I should request copies for my fiancé.

Boob photos were just the beginning. There was the absurdity of baring my butt to doctors after my chemo side effects produced an awesome abscess there. Oh yes, there was a butt abscess. I didn’t request photos.

This book is chaptered as a series of actions. The actions are meant as suggestions, as everyone’s fight will be different, but my hope is that you will gather information from my successes and learn from those things I could have done better. The start of each chapter is a conversation between my sister and me. My sister took her job of number one cheerleader and therapist very seriously. She offered advice, council, and humor on a daily basis. I wrap up each chapter with unsolicited advice based on my experience going through this process.

I hope you find my breast cancer story educational and humorous with just the right amount of sarcasm added in for fun. I give you my real life experience and descriptions, even of those things that were not so pleasant. Good luck with your battle and keep laughing!