A Trilogy of Hope
My Journey Out of the Depths of Teenage Despair
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The fact is, (and many people would be surprised at this after so many years of me preaching, “Anti-depressants do not work”) that anti-depressants can help. But only if you put effort and energy into working with them to aid your own recovery. What I said earlier about how I used to prefer to sit at home and cry... or prefer to sit in a pub on a totally different and impenetrable level from the people I was with... It wasn’t what I preferred, because in order to have a preference of one thing over another, you need to have had an experience of both situations. And I had never experienced being the centre of attention, being popular, happily fitting in with and being part of the world around me. I didn’t prefer to be alone, and it certainly wasn’t what I wanted. But the self-obsession and self-indulgence of the depression didn’t allow me to see that I could be part of this normal world in which everybody else operated. My paranoia and fear of rejection were so great that I never wanted to risk being rejected. So far as I could see, everyone else was better than me. And the self-preservative nature which comes out when one is depressed had convinced me that seeing as everything was so messed up and yet they were still happy; seeing as I was suicidal and they weren’t helping me: I could therefore believe the whole lot of them were somehow stupid. And I used this to turn the whole equation around to, “I am better than them.” And so, whilst hoping I was giving off vibes of, “I need some-one to love me; I need a reason to live; I need some support and respect; I need some-one to hold me; I have so much love to give, and I will give everything to anyone who will just let me open my heart and love...” I was actually giving off vibes of, “I am better than you.” And when people get vibes of “I am better than you”, barriers go up. And they become hostile. It is widely stated that, “Depression is misunderstood”, which is most definitely true... But having studied the subject to great depth whilst being in the middle of it, I feel it is just as appropriate to say, “Depression is misunderstanding.” Because what makes depression so much harder to deal with, and to understand, is the simple misunderstanding between the depressive and the rest of the world.
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About the Book
Following on from a childhood where I was loved at home, but didn’t fit in at school and never really felt like I belonged anywhere, I became depressed and suicidal at age 12 and spent much of my teenage years medicated and in therapy, questioning the point of my existence and wondering whether the world would be better off without me. I wrote my first book, “I’ve Got Something to Say: Alone and Screaming in the Darkness” at the age of 16 because, although I didn’t exactly have any answers, I wanted to reach out to others so they wouldn’t feel so alone. I decided there and then, that if I ever did find any answers then I would write more books. And that is what I have done. I wrote my second book, “Maybe We Are All Relevant: At Times I Can See the Light” at the age of 20, and the third and final part of this trilogy, “And Now I Know Why: A Life of Sunshine, Storms and Rainbows” at the age of 32. I have decided to publish my three books together as “A Trilogy of Hope: My Journey Out of the Depths of Teenage Despair”, so that I can share my whole journey with you and to give you and others hope in seeing that it really is possible to go from the absolute depths of despair to leading a life in which there is love, light and joy, where I have found some meaning to my existence and all the pain I have been through seems worth it because it has led me to where I am today. I feel honoured to be sharing my story with you and I hope that my words can be of some comfort to you and bring you hope for a happier future. Things will get better. You are going to be okay. I am thinking of you. With love, Celia.
About the Author
Following on from a childhood where I was loved at home, but didn’t fit in at school and never really felt like I belonged anywhere, I became depressed and suicidal at age 12 and spent much of my teenage years medicated and in therapy, questioning the point of my existence and wondering whether the world would be better off without me. I wrote my first book, “I’ve Got Something to Say: Alone and Screaming in the Darkness” at the age of 16 because, although I didn’t exactly have any answers, I wanted to reach out to others so they wouldn’t feel so alone. I decided there and then, that if I ever did find any answers then I would write more books. And that is what I have done. I wrote my second book, “Maybe We Are All Relevant: At Times I Can See the Light” at the age of 20, and the third and final part of this trilogy, “And Now I Know Why: A Life of Sunshine, Storms and Rainbows” at the age of 32. I have decided to publish my three books together as “A Trilogy of Hope: My Journey Out of the Depths of Teenage Despair”, so that I can share my whole journey with you and to give you and others hope in seeing that it really is possible to go from the absolute depths of despair to leading a life in which there is love, light and joy, where I have found some meaning to my existence and all the pain I have been through seems worth it because it has led me to where I am today. I feel honoured to be sharing my story with you and I hope that my words can be of some comfort to you and bring you hope for a happier future. Things will get better. You are going to be okay. I am thinking of you. With love, Celia.