Dante's Cubicle

Chapter 26: BS from All Directions (Excerpt) Having heard the 360 discussed in a business class, I said, “Then they tally up the results, print up a huge book with graphs, charts, and quotes in sidebars, and give it to him. He then interprets his strengths and weaknesses and makes a plan to improve.” Chuck just couldn’t hold it in. “Oh, this has got to be some kind of massive put-on. Is it April 1?” “This thing has so many holes, it looks like Swiss cheese,” Arty added. “Why do you say that?” “Well, first, when did El Supervisor ever want any feedback about himself? Second, once or twice when we offered some constructive criticism in staff meetings, the information bounced back at us like he was wearing Kevlar. And now he wants to hear from us?” “I doubt it. I think the execs told him that he wants to hear from us,” I suggested. “Figures. Man, there have to be a lot of spasms in specific points of anatomy today. Best stock the clinic for a run on Maalox,” quipped Fred, having just arrived from an off-site assignment. “What does that mean?” Susan asked. “Who among management,” said Arty, “wants other people, especially people who work for him, putting stuff down on paper about his leadership style, competence, and other stuff? We’re the ones who’ve seen all the warts, you know.” “I still don’t get your point,” she said. Tony stepped into the discussion circle just then. “Does the word omerta mean anything to you?” There are not many foreign-language majors among us, so he received only blank stares in response. Tony continued, “It seems to me that managers and supervisors have a vow of silence among themselves—unwritten but very powerful. They cover each other’s asses because they know that someday they might need theirs covered. This survey has ‘exposure’ written all over it. I say, no way are they going to be honest from a position of relative security while seated behind their cubicle wall.” “Score two for silence,” someone shouted. Guilty by association was a constant fear for a lot of people in Archangel. “Have you guys thought seriously about this?” asked Arty. “C’mon, we know there is an unwritten rule about not embarrassing your boss, no matter what, right?” Heads nodded in the affirmative. “Don’t you think it’s possible that one of the geniuses in the hierarchy could put their high-tech capability to work figuring how who nailed him on the survey if anybody says anything negative? This is serious business, gang.” “But the survey’s anonymous. They can’t tell who filled it out,” said Susan. “Does anyone here have security clearance?” asked Tony. Two or three people answered in the affirmative. “Then they have your fingerprints, right?” Heads nodded. “So … take it one step further, folks” he said. “Well, let’s just have the people without clearance fill it out,” suggested Susan. “Well,” Arty countered, “they can come to your office at night and get prints off anything. And what about DNA testing?” “Oh, come on, they wouldn’t go that far. You’re being ridiculous!” said Susan, dismissing us all. “Want to test the system with your career?” Arty chided. “So what do we do?” she asked. This seemed to be her way of saying probably not. “Simple,” said Arty. “We lie.” “We lie?” a few people said in unison. “Is there an echo in here? Yes, lie! It’s the only sane, rational thing to do.” “But then they won’t really know who’s managing well and who isn’t!” said Sam. “That’s right,” I said. “And they will be no worse off than they are now. More important, neither will we.” “There are four possibilities,” said Arty. “The matrix looks like this.” He began drawing on the white board in the cubicle. “It’s a simple analysis based on whether we lie or tell the truth and whether the executives use the data or not. The cells in the matrix represent what can happen to the key players. “In three of the four cells, the supervisors are okay. For two where we lie, the supervisor even looks good. For us, in either of the ‘tell the truth’ options, there is a high probability of career death. If we lie, nothing happens. This, colleagues, is a no-brainer. Everybody either wins or does not die if we just lie—this has potential as our new department slogan. Any questions, ladies and gentlemen?” There were no questions. “Okay, worker bees, sharpen your pencils and enhance those careers.” The impromptu meeting broke up, and the bullshit began to fly from the bottom—once again defying the law of organizational gravity.