Under the Fig Tree
Time to go...One Last Coffee
by
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As we walked slowly through the cemetery, I noticed a blue rustic angel sitting in prayer opposite a fully grown fig tree. She was focused on a small mound of earth next to a bright red flower creeping up a white-washed wall. I looked down and saw two fallen figs – brown and wrinkled – and it was here that I began to scape away at the sodden earth with my bare hands. I was thankful for the soft pliant soil. I made a small grave with my hands. Getting my hands dirty was strangely comforting and I was compelled to keep digging and clawing – deeper and deeper. I had to dig deep to ensure she didn’t fly away. I needed her to be undisturbed, as I intended to return time and time again to lay red roses. I stared unblinking at my once beautifully manicured, now filthy, nails. The world would keep turning but we, the ones left behind, remained stuck. It seems so disrespectful to move on. Guilt and shame would be our jailers. I opened the brightly coloured tin, which had belonged to Anna, and poured a handful of her ashes into the palm of my hand. I took a lock of her hair, and together, those little parts of my girl were laid to rest. As I filled in the soil, I could hear the birds singing and my spirits lifted momentarily, but when I looked up into the sad faces of Anna’s brother Billy and her lover, Manu, my heart broke all over again. We walked away, leaving parts of our hearts under the fig tree. Manu plucked a rosy apple from a tree, offered Billy a bite, and they shared a spontaneous hollow laugh. In the distance I heard the chimes of Anna’s favourite church; St. Jean. Come rain or shine they would ring out every fifteen minutes. Once upon a time they rang out a few yards from her garden apartment, but now the chimes would keep her company in the place where she felt she belonged and experienced herself as normal. Where she once turned to me and smiled, ‘I feel alive’.
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About the Book
When your loved one commits suicide, life is irreversibly changed. This searingly honest book just might help you understand how to survive the loss of a loved one. The author shares feelings of immense blame, shame, and the stigma surrounding anorexia and suicide. Readers seeking to overcome grief will be comforted with tender and thoughtful insights regarding why some people are more likely to take their own lives than others. It is one of the more unique books about overcoming grief using art to help those facing suicide bereavement. It asks the pertinent question, ‘how can we reach out and help those most likely to take their lives?’ It’s far from one of the often and unfortunately glamorized books about eating disorders and battling anorexia. Instead, it is a thoughtful memoir to help others understand people with a natural ambivalence toward life. Throughout her late teens and early adult life, with anorexia banished to the shadows, Anna found great success as a fashion designer, illustrator, graphite artist, and poet, all the while banishing her battle with anorexia to the shadows. Finally, a move to Paris at the age of thirty-two welcomed her into the bohemian art scene that paints Montmartre in vibrant colors. Anna’s mum, Rita, describes her daughter as one of the many babies born with a “naked nerve.” Many believe these melancholy “old souls” have “been here before.” She courageously shares her story to show others how to survive the loss of a loved one as she explores the notion of babies born with an intense ambivalence toward life and death. She knows this powerful dynamic creates anxiety, frustration, and fears that take enormous effort to conquer. Still, she presses on to help others overcome grief and do her part to reduce the horrendous number of suicide cases. It is a timely and imaginative book that will not only help others see how to survive the loss of a loved one but inspire those battling anorexia and suicide. Through the Anna M Wright Art Foundation, all proceeds from this book will help the families left behind working through suicide bereavement. In addition, the money raised will fund therapies for those suffering from all mental health issues. Anna’s foundation intends to focus on art and other creative mediums as a positive way of expressing, communicating, and connecting in ways that have hitherto been impossible. Our beautiful, fragile, loved ones, who are no longer physically with us, are always in our dreams.