Hot-Jack!
A Dark Comedy
by
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Celia Ann Weems worked in the office at school. She was 36 years old. She typed and filed reports and wore a brassiere she called Beverly Jane. Fanny of Hollywood sent it to her. It had secret beauty modules. It had a special inflatable attachment. Celia had a bustline immediately and Beverly Jane went to work galvanizing and inspiring her to compete. Eventually, Fanny assured, the attachment would not be needed and Celia would consider her $60 a smart investment. She was having technical difficulties today, however, in spite of Fanny’s guarantee. Only one cup would rise. It was splendid, Jack thought, like a big muffin, but no amount of encouragement could induce the other to leaven. Jack sat inside the office for over an hour that afternoon, charting its progress and waiting for Charles Harvey to appear. Charles Harvey was the principal of Jack’s school. Jack had an appointment to see him. It was the third time in 2 weeks. "He had a mad for Jack," thought Jack and he wrote it down in his composition notebook. "Charles stopped in the doorway," Jack wrote. "He stood in the doorway and he was ready." "He was horny and huggy and ready. He looked at Jack. He looked at Celia. She looked like nothing he had ever seen before." "Charles was impressed. He appreciated Celia and he appreciated Beverly Jane," said the Idge as he climbed down the ladder in her stocking. He shook his head up at Jack. "Nothing yet." Jack noted it down. "Charles stopped in the doorway," he continued. "He stood in the doorway and he was ready." "Why, Ceese!" he said. He thought that was very special so he said it again. "Why, Ceese!" he said. I am a wild, free thing, he thought. Why, Chuck!" she said. She called him Chuck because she was ready. "Why, Chuck!" she said. Charles stood twitching and giggling at the dilemma. What should he say? "Moy deere," he said. "Tee hee," said Celia. She wet her lips. She fluffed her hair and made it squeak. Charles screamed. What should he do? "Moy deere," he said. Celia gasped. "Wild, free Chuck," he explained. "Oh, Chuck, stop! stop!" Chuck laughed.
"I just know these things, Chuck," Celia was twinkling. "I’m a woman." Idgy looked at Jack. "Charles snickered," he said and Jack wrote it down. "Charles glanced at Jack to check for recognition and estimation of their incredible adult badinage." "And at the boy’s nod of approval, he volleyed with a round of truly unforgivable snorts and whinnies," Idge continued. "He had an itch. He grabbed at the seat of his trousers." "Oh, Chuck!" said Celia. "Tee hee!" "Jack endorsed another glance from Charles in his direction. It cued a furious exchange, soliciting mischiefs from Chuck like pop-up hankies to catch Celia’s mucous affections." Jack looked up. "Jack paused," he said. "With a smile of such largesse for Charles that it sent him into a rage of terrifying wit," said the Idge. "He had a final frisk at his bottom," wrote Jack. "He had a wink for Jack and a pinch for Celia. "He paused at the drinking fountain. He turned to his audience. A choir of dentifrice gleamed in his head." "Discipline must be adhered to," Charles said to Jack, impressively ..." "Significantly," corrected the Idge. "Significantly," wrote Jack, "and then Charles winked at the boy to show he was really a wild, free thing and former Hot, like Jack." "He laughed and he waved and he left," sang the Idge. "Charles’ last humor had all but turned Celia’s ears inside out. "She trailed him out of the office. She stalked him down the corridor. She turned the corner, ran into an open door and Beverly Jane exploded." "Jack’s day was now complete," Idgy laughed.
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About the Book
HOT-JACK! is a dark comedy "written by" a young boy and his beast about that young boy and his beast writing a book ... but it is NOT a children’s story. Jack is a precocious 12 year-old boy living in a state of constant war with his surroundings, and his "book" is an indictment against everyone and everything in the world ... with the exception of the Idge, his magical beast and only friend. Novella-length, it is a riotous journey into the bizarre, cynical world Jack shares with his wily, mystical pal. You will find yourself laughing out loud again and again at their biting commentary on topics ranging from Jack’s sister ("the hideous Celeste") to BORN AGAIN christianity and everywhere in between. It will make you cry as well at the undertones of sadness and frustration of a child lost in a world he "never asked to come into". An astonishingly original and witty first novel by Sam Stricker.