That Particular Plan and Disclosure at Bentwell Manor
Two Comedies
by
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LADY BENTWELL
You have something?
INSPECTOR
Information.
LADY BENTWELL
How much?
INSPECTOR
Enough to satisfy your licentious taste.
LADY BENTWELL
Tell me...tell me everything. What have you got?
INSPECTOR
A thorough investigation.
LADY BENTWELL
How thorough?
INSPECTOR
Down to the moles on her back.
LADY BENTWELL
I'm not interested in moles. You were hired to research her background . . . not her back!
INSPECTOR
But that's part of it. You see . . .
LADY BENTWELL
I see nothing.
INSPECTOR
But . . .
LADY BENTWELL
But nothing! I'm paying you well, aren't I?
INSPECTOR
Extremely.
LADY BENTWELL
Then I want my money's worth. A statement of the facts. The juicy stuff. The more scandalous the better. I want information that has to do with personal relationships, family relationships, criminal acts, unnatural acts, acts that develop into acts unspeakable! Anything to demean her character. Do you understand me?!
INSPECTOR
Yes.
LADY BENTWELL
Oh, you do, do you?
INSPECTOR
Perfectly.
LADY BENTWELL
Well then, out with it! Why have you come?
INSPECTOR
To fill you in on my discovery. And I must say, I'm genuinely thrilled about it. It's more interesting than anything I've uncovered to date. She has quite a history.
LADY BENTWELL
A history? History of what? Pandering? Procuring?
INSPECTOR
The physical side of her.
LADY BENTWELL
I'm not interested in a physician's report!
INSPECTOR
Oh, I think you will be.
LADY BENTWELL
What do you take me for?
INSPECTOR
About twenty thousand quid.
(Warming up to her.)
And whatever else I can . . .
LADY BENTWELL
(Grabbing him by the throat.)
Now, listen you! We have a business arrangement. I'm not putting up with any more of your slipshod investigative methods. You may be able to get away with it with the others, the other nobility, the ones that have for years inbred the brains out of themselves, but when you try to put one over on me, you're dealing with a smarter class of lady!
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About the Book
THAT PARTICULAR PLAN This offbeat comedy exposes the eccentric behavior of Godfrey Chambers, wealthy manufacturing industrialist, Lydia, his wacky nymphomaniac wife, Evelyn, their estranged daughter who communicates with baboons, and the spurned butler, Carl. Godfrey and Carl place an ad in a London newspaper arranging to meet with Scott Sprinter, an American studying abroad who carried out a break–in at the Chambers’ home. Since the event had a profound effect on Lydia, Godfrey hopes that bribery will prompt Sprinter to assist him in committing his wife to an asylum. Throughout the play, the American, who wants the money but has no idea what is expected of him, finds himself trapped in a situation where the quirky characters around him struggle to make choices and decisions based on absurd judgment. DISCLOSURE AT BENTWELL MANOR The scene of this farce is Bentwell Manor, home of Lady Bentwell, son Bradley, and their staff. Horrified by the social implications of her son marrying the actress and perceived gold digger Clarice Changely, Lady Bentwell hires her former lover, the Inspector, to delve into Clarice’s past. She must act quickly, not only to foil the engagement, but also to prevent anyone from learning the truth about her own past. Meanwhile, the reader is treated to the high jinks of the maid, Gertrude, who constantly runs off to be a punk–rock groupie, and Bridget the cook, who has decided on a novel way to commit suicide in order to get back at Lady Bentwell for refusing her a decent reference, thereby thwarting her plans to leave Bentwell Manor for good.
About the Author
Paul M. Kelly holds a doctorate in education from Fordham University. An associate member of the Dramatists Guild of America, he has had numerous productions of his plays developed through The Village Playwrights. Dr. Kelly is a registrar and teaches English at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, City University of New York.