Help! I’m Being Held a Prisoner in a Ransom Note Factory!
by
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Just Another Uneventful, Ho-Hum Day At The CIA
Tap softly, please, whenever you''re ready
Since taking that bullet, I''m still not too steady
And then only whisper of what we''ve conspired
I''ve a hunch that my lunch and the transom are wired
I''ve usually felt safe here with only insiders
But I''m seeing more of those virulent spiders
And only t''was after I gouged out her eyes
That the maid spilled the presence of dozens of spies!
One in particular (part of her tattle)
Has slipped in my sock drawer a snake with a rattle
Another, a huge chap with black, hairy chest
Has introduced anthrax to my tube of Crest
Another, a female, has come on in spades
By slathering tetanus on my razor blades
And finally, this mug with a gaping red scar
Has rendered quite useless the brakes of my car
Yeah, some call ''em risky, these days full of fears
And to some it''s not really...well, much of a life
Till I simply point out that it means thirty years
That I don''t have to waste hangin’ out with my wife
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About the Book
If nothing else, its very title, HELP! I’M BEING HELD A PRISONER IN A RANSOM NOTE FACTORY, at least provides the reader with a hint of the raucous, unbridled insanity held captive within the book’s boldly restraining covers. If this was indeed your conclusion on first seeing the title, congratulations on the acumen, acuity, and sheer keenness of your sharp and clever perceptivity! And should – finally -- you discover that you actually enjoy Ron Pataky’s contribution to the species, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you are in distinguished company! William F. Buckley, Jr. had nothing but good words concerning Ron’s offerings, as did both comedienne Phyllis Diller and the late
About the Author
Trying to describe the irreverent semantic journey of “Help! I’m Being Held a Prisoner in a Ransom Note Factory!” is a little like trying to interpret the thoughts and future dreams of a man hopelessly, irrevocably, permanently (and redundantly) insane. Or as a long-forgotten wit described it some decades ago (thereby humorously demonstrating the extent of his own cerebral derangement!), “it’s like trying to imagine the sound of one hand clapping.”
Hopefully, you will be amused from the first by material that moved William F. Buckley (whom I do not know personally) to write, “Your pieces are pleasurable to read, your mind is nimble, and you have a fine touch for gentle paradox,” and Comedienne Phyllis Diller to call the work, “... hilarious, and at the same time delightfully literate.” The late Milton Berle, who saw only a handful of samples prior to his death, also was kind enough to lend his name, describing my pages as, “... warm and absolutely wonderful!”
What can I say? For an ex-film and drama critic like me, not at all used to being on the receiving end of praise, these are wonderfully gracious comments for which I am very grateful indeed. (Try blown away!).
I know the joy I feel when I write material that amuses me. Apparently, a good bit of what pleases me also got through to Mr. Buckley and Miss Diller. And, of course, to the late Mr. Berle. My hope is that my fun stuff might give you a chuckle or two as well, and that you might eventually number my book among your favorites. In any case, enjoy! It is for this reason that I write.
Dr. Ron
ThePoetsHere@yahoo.com