Musings of The Mad Poet from Poetria
by
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HOW TO TELL IF A POET IS MAD
First of all, why do you want to know? What difference is it to you whether he or she is or isn’t?
Who put you up to asking such a question? Do you think they are your friends? What am I, a psychiatrist? What’s behind your insulting, insinuating question? Was Shakespeare mad? How about Longfellow? Shortfellow? Mother Goose? (Now, there was a daffy duck for you!)
Yes, I am getting worked up, but why, for nothing? I’m mad, and getting madder each minute by your silence! But, if there’s a chance you may be naive, here’s the sure-fire foolproof method for determining poetic madness:
Hand them a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Compliment them profusely for having written such a beautiful and brilliant poem. Then, ask if they would autograph it as a personal souvenir for you.
If they sign their name anyplace else but the bottom right-hand corner of the blank page, they are nuts--get out of there as fast as you can and don’t look back if you know what’s good for you--and don’t bother asking for your pen back.
However, if they should squint and hand back the paper saying, “It’s already autographed” or crumple it up and throw it away saying, “I’m ashamed to--I’ve written much better stuff.” there’s nothing to worry about as long as you back away from them, nodding affirmatively with pursed lips and smiling without showing teeth.
If they do sign the bottom right hand corner? The poet is still mad, but more creative than the other nut-jobs, and is autographing for you one of their most flawless works, the invisible sonnet! Many poets write them, but few are inclined to publish such gems. Who knows why?
I’ve written hundreds and was planning to publish the best in one book, then it dawned on me that some may buy it intentionally to use as a notebook! I couldn’t deal with the painful realization of having so many of my best works written over or scribbled on as if they weren’t there at all! Let them do it with someone else’s creations, not mine! Sorry!
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About the Book
In this third book of the “Poetria” trilogy, the author gives way to his alter-ego, “Alter”, from the p. u. (parallel universe) who delivers a course in p. u. astrology, i.e. “The Signs of The Fortune Cookiac”, a useful guide to the constellations in the p.u., followed by an even more helpful essay, “How To Tell If A Poet Is Mad”, then thirty-one synopses to thirty-one poems of the Madman, each sandwiching in a view from the Port window of the author’s homemade spacecraft, the breathtaking S.S. Galactophonema.
The thirty-one poems range (or better said, “de-range”) from the circus sideshow subculture, to the Blind Nudists Conventions, Papal audience precautions at the Vatican, and a creative Will & Last Testament that could postpone dying.
The “Musings” consist of all the above, and are preceded by the author’s remorseful discovery on the book’s dedication page, that he is a Twentyfirst Century “decadent” as defined therein, and wherein he implicates his p.u. ego.
Obviously, this is the lot and fate of close association with people, i.e. Poetrians.
Does such a condition end with a trilogy? It’s doubtful, but really, only time will tell, yes?
About the Author
In Book 1 of the Trilogy, “Deep Space Probe To Poetria”, he wrote: “Look in the book—it will speak for me. If that’s not enough, wait for Books 2 and 3; then if you have any questions, we’ll talk.”
So, we waited for Book 2, “Payload From Poetria” and what did we hear? That he couldn’t write the book fifty years ago when he wanted to after an “E.T.” experience. Why? Because he had met a Rabbi (Rabbi Ben Ezra—introduced to him by fellow author and poet, Robert Browning,
The Book, last of the “Poetria” trilogy, isn’t even written by him, but by “Alter”, his p.u. ego!
Where’s the Rabbi? Where’s Lauria? The only possible clue might be his having intimated to “Alter” that his horoscope sign is not in the Zodiac, but rather another astrological system, the Eggrolliac.
Coincidentally, a fortune cookie message used as a bookmark in his copy of Book 2 said:
“Tomorrow you will find Lauria and the Rebbie at a Kosher Chinese Restaurant in
After reading this three-book odyssey through the man’s mind-emphasis on “od”--what more would one want to know about him?