DR. LUMUMBA'S DREAM OF INCEST

As the sun drew overhead the road became deserted and we stopped to rest.  Only a thorny and dispirited greenish-yellow tree gave us shade.  The chimps flopped down and kicked their feet miserably.  Yendi and Tchibanga were ready to come to blows.  Yalinga dropped Okovango to the ground so hard the little ape began to cry.  Albert bowed his head by the bowl of the tree and prayed.

“Hippos be damned!” said Doba.  “I won’t go another step, I won’t, I won’t unless I can take off these instruments of torture.”

“You won’t have to,” said Lumumba.  “A matatu is coming, everyone take cover.”

What happened next was like a Hollywood movie.

As a bright purple minibus came lurching through the potholes and kicking up an immense cloud of dust, Lumumba placed himself in the middle of the road.  The driver leaned on his horn and stopped just inches away.  Then without warning Kribi Yendi and Tchibanga sprang from their hiding place behind the embankment, pulled the driver from the bus and slammed him to the ground until every bone in his body was broken.  There were screams and cries of “Wambussi!” as the passengers tried to flee only to be caught and brought down by the murderous apes.

When it was over the ground was strewn with the mangled bodies of passengers, perhaps twenty in all including men, women and children.

“That is hardly the behavior of a Yale professor,” said Herbert.  “You should be ashamed.”

“My dear Dr. Hickey,” said Lumumba.  “Your people are turning us into bush meat this very minute and there’s no law against it.  But turn the tables and it’s the end of the world.  Now in my opinion that’s what you humans would call a double standard.  Kribi, Yendi, take the cash and dump the bodies over by the tree.  Something will eat them and have a good meal.”

“You’re here until you’re gone,” said Kribi, putting a gnarled hand on Herbert’s shoulder.  “You’re alive until you’re dead.”

Bata had the last word:

“If you remember what the Professor told us about the evolution of hominids, any animal with a straight spine could have come to rule the world instead of you.  So why feel so superior?  It’s just an accident of evolution that you’re ruling the planet instead of some other species.  And to tell you the truth I’d feel kind of embarrassed to know that the reason I am the ruler is because I can’t stand up to orgasm.”

He went to help Kribi and Yendi rifle through the pockets of the passengers while Doba and Tchibanga scoured the bus for food.  There was livestock on board—chickens, goats, pigs and a small white rabbit.  Nedele led them out and released them, all except for the rabbit which she put inside her pocket.

Lumumba and Kribi stood beside the bodies.

“If only there were some way we could blame this on the Wambussi,” said Kribi.  “That would take the heat off us, wouldn’t it, Uncle?”

“Why blame the Wambussi,” Lumumba replied, “when we can blame somebody else, somebody much worse, somebody that will make everybody’s blood crawl?”

He dipped his finger in blood and began to write on the dead man’s clothing.  When he was finished he stepped back and looked at his handiwork.  The letters GLA glistened bright red.

“Instead of looking for a silly gang of marauders,” he said, “or a group of bedraggled tourists they’ll be looking for the GLA—the Gonad Liberation Army.  How’s that for inspiration?  Okay, everybody, let’s board the bus.”