Don't Feed the Bears
How Parents Can Set Their Kids Up for Failure
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As parents, it is our responsibility to demand the best effort possible from our children and ourselves, and then to be satisfied with these results.
We never wanted any of our children to be Ubermenschen or super people, either academically or athletically, but rather to be well-rounded, healthy, and ambitious within the realm of their abilities. In more concrete terms, when we opened a report card, we were never displeased or critical of any grade or comment so long as our child could look us in the eye and state that we were looking at the results of his or her best efforts. To this end, and unlike some of their friends, our children never feared reprisals or comments when they presented us with their report cards. It took negative emotions such as fear and frustration out of the equation, and allowed us to maintain a close relationship where we could work together for common goals. We were able to do this because we both knew that each report card was going to represent a best effort, thus allowing us to remain on the same side of things, and to avoid becoming adversaries.
This was an important aspect of our parent-child relationship for me because it had been missing from my relationship with my father. If I brought home six A’s and one B, sure as God made little green apples, I knew that my father’s first comment would address the low grade. Never mind the six A’s, and the efforts expended to achieve those, we would focus on the lone B. This standard of perfection that I was forced to strive for on a regular basis, was established by him because I had the “potential to go very far.” It was ostensibly to make me the best at anything I attempted, but ultimately had the opposite effect in that it instilled a fear of failure in me! To this day, whether it is something as momentous as sitting for a securities license examination or as simple and mundane as a home improvement task, I still have to think twice about the consequences of failing or messing it up. Fortunately, I have determined that not trying is worse than any failure that may require the services of a technician.
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About the Book
Even the best of parents with the purest and most idealistic intentions to provide a better life for their children can set them up for failure by confusing better with easier.
So how do we provide our children with the opportunities and tools for greater success without spoiling them? How do we insure that we have positioned them for this greater standard of living without overly indulging them? No doubt it is a balancing act, and requires planning, forethought, and consistency. It also requires a long term vision, short term goals, and an incredible degree of hard work on the part of both parents working in unison to provide a stable foundation. It means not sacrificing teaching experiences when an easier choice or route presents itself. It means that from the day that youngster is born you plan on working hard, making a plan, and then working your plan as parents. It means modeling the way by living an exemplary life of courage, integrity, and character. It requires a positive attitude through which we can constantly encourage their hearts. It means establishing standards and requirements, and enforcing them. A newly planted tree can be straightened or held in place with the thinnest of wires. However, if we ignore the crooked sapling for any length of time it is often too late and too difficult to make a change when it has had a chance to grow in ways contrary to those that we desire. Children require constant nourishment to the soul, probably even more than they need to have their physical needs met by us. Remembering this is often our greatest challenge.
“If you are a parent, you need to read this book.”
-Chris Sorensen
Author of The Greatest Discovery
About the Author
Don Levin is a former Attorney at Law with over thirteen years of general practice experience, and nine years as a court appointed arbitrator. He is also a retired U.S. Army officer, with over twenty three years of commissioned service spent in a variety of command and staff positions, twelve years of which were at the General Staff level. He is also a past senior sales leader for two Fortune 200 companies.
Don earned his JD from The John Marshall Law School, his MPA from the
In his spare time, Don enjoys other forms of writing and is the author of the previously released military legal thriller The Code, the legal story Broken Code, as well as the historical fiction novel Knight’s Code. His non-fiction work includes telling and editing the life story of a Holocaust survivor entitled The Gazebo. He is also the co-author of the leadership book entitled The Leader Coach: Exposing Your Soul. He is currently working on several additional projects to include the companion volume to this work entitled Eight Points of the Compass.
Don is very active with his church and within the community, and resides with his wife Susie, in
Don may be reached at don@donlevin.com.