7 Kids & 2 Ex-Wives!

THE ROAD TO REDEMPTION

I sat in a run down, rat and roach infested motel room alone in a dark corner. Tears burned my eyes as the unmitigated truth slapped me across my face. My family was gone and it was all my fault! I wondered aloud, “How in the hell did it get this bad?” Is it really possible for a man with nothing but love in his heart to express himself so violently with his hands? I fought off the agony of another depressive cycle as I tried to justify the unthinkable.

The raw reality that I destroyed both of my marriages hurt me to the core. But what drove me to near suicide was the look on the faces of my seven young children. No longer did they see me as the hero, but as the vicious villain that hurt their mothers for no good reason other than a bruised ego.

The fact that I grew up in an abusive home, was raped by a mad man when I was a child, and was later diagnosed with severe Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was no excuse for my actions. The conversation I was having with myself was reasonable, it was normal to get upset when you are faced with unnecessary drama in your marriage, but still, I responded inappropriately! The sad thing was that no one cared what was done to me. All they saw was a large, intimidating black man scaring the sh*t out of a defenseless woman. This is a painful lesson that I will not repeat!

I prayed aloud to my Heavenly Father to forgive me. It seemed that God ignored me until I finally woke-up and took full responsibility for my foul actions. I was a good man that did some very bad things that I will forever be ashamed of. The only hope for my tortured soul was to change, not just to say I would but to do it. This change could not be a temporary quick fix; but a change that was to be rooted so deep in my spirit that not even my ex-wives could deny the new light that shone from me.

With the understanding that this task will be hard, and people would cruelly judge me; my purpose in this world could not be clearer. Allow God to change me and use me as a vessel to speak the TRUTH about the evils of domestic violence and how children in abusive homes may grow up to become abusers themselves. I will educate men who have lost their families, on how to fix what may seem to be impossible. But I first must fix “ME” and fix my own broken family. I did understand, however, that some people and situations could not be fixed. In these instances, for my own sanity, it would be best to distance myself from those who were not essentially vital to my having a relationship with my kids or the woman I wanted in my life.

Through positive change, hard work and the grace of God, I have done just that! I remarried my second ex-wife, mended the fence with my first ex-wife and took back my place as the HERO in the lives of my children! I learned how to change my life through my changed mind and actions, and so can you!