Cumberland County: A Bite of the Apple

Author’s Note

To avoid adding to the pain already experienced by the principal characters described in this story, comply with the licensed professional counselors’ code of ethics, and prevent potential lawsuits, it was necessary to fictionalize some of the names, places, and situations described herein.

The story is based on the experiences of a real family, one that appeared to be exceptionally blessed and stable on the surface; but, beneath the surface, every member of the family suffered the painful consequences created by the addictive behavior of one of its members. Unfortunately, many families like this one have experienced similar situations; far too many and, sadly, the numbers appear to be on the rise!

            Addictions are most often thought of in the context of a chronic dependence on such substances as illegal drugs, alcohol, tobacco, various prescription medications, and several other substances, which dependence upon can be detrimental to one’s mental and/or physical health.  There are also many non-substance addictions that can be just as controlling and destructive to the addicted individuals as heroin. 

These non-substance addictions may produce a wide range of behavioral disorders, some of which can be quite complex and are often difficult to diagnose and treat. This is especially true of the addiction to extramarital sex. One bite of the apple often leads to another…and then on to many others.

This addiction has virtually destroyed the reputations, careers, and family lives of many, from the most ordinary people to major public figures.  They include top professional athletes (e.g., the recent and widely publicized Tiger Woods episode); some State Governors (e.g., South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford); some members of the United States Senate (e.g., North Carolina Senator John Edwards), former Presidents of the United States (e.g., John Kennedy and Bill Clinton), and entertainment celebrities too numerous to mention.  Men are the most known for this addiction, but it also appears to be on the rise with women.

In my counseling of many couples experiencing serious relationship difficulties, a substantial majority cited their spouse’s infidelity as the primary relationship destroying issue.  When one or, sometimes, even both of the marital partners engaged in adultery, it usually resulted in the painful ending of their marriage when the core marital building block of trust became irrevocably broken.

          Some view this behavior as a simple moral weakness or poor judgment, and it is even accepted in some circles as an okay, “boys will be boys” thing; but those who have experienced it in their lives understand what a devastatingly destructive force it inevitably becomes to the offender and those close to him or her. In most societies, those with this addiction are viewed as pariahs, sinners, or criminals, instead of as human beings who are suffering from an often severely debilitating mental disorder.

The fact that the root causes of this behavior may be beyond the control of the addicted individual does not excuse or justify it though, regardless of the underlying causes.  Those who take a bite of the apple, for whatever reason, are still responsible for the sad consequences that deeply scar them and their loved ones for the rest of their lives.

This story is about a man who partook of the apple, the painful consequences it caused him and his family, and some important lessons for anyone who may be tempted to take even the smallest bite of the apple to consider.