When Faith Is Shattered

It was well after midnight when the phone rang and woke me out of a deep sleep. I was extremely tired and had gone to bed early that night. My husband answered the phone and when I heard the urgency in his voice I knew that something was terribly wrong. My oldest son was on the other end of the line and had just given the news that Andre had been shot and was in surgery. At that moment I began to pray and to reaffirm God’s Word. Psalm 34:15 says “the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry.” I desperately cried out to the Lord for my son’s life. I remembered the words of Mark 11:23 which says, “For verily I say unto you, that whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.” Since “saith” is a continuation of “saying” I repeated over and over again (while preparing to go to the hospital) “in the Name of Jesus, I speak life to Andre.” In the car on the way to the hospital, and in the waiting room after arriving, I continued to speak “life” to Andre. It was the Wednesday before Mother’s Day and Andre had driven down from Pittsburgh, PA to visit me. When he came by the house I was not at home so he decided to go to the shopping mall to pick up some shirts. He told my husband to tell me that he would be back to see me, but he never made it back. He was shot while leaving the mall. Although Andre had been raised in the church, to my knowledge he had not yet accepted the Lord Jesus into his heart as his personal Savior. For years my plea to God was that He would not allow my children to die in sin, but that they would receive Jesus into their lives and gain eternal life. I could not bear the thought of my children being eternally separated from God. My daily prayer for my family was for life and life everlasting. I relied upon the Scripture that said, “Though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not be unpunished, but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered.” (Proverbs 11:21). These prayers continued on the way to the hospital. Upon arrival at the hospital, we were told that Andre was in surgery. As we sat in the stillness of the sterile white waiting room not knowing what to do, but trying to hold on to some sense of decorum and sanity, we decided to pray. My husband, my son Robert and I held hands and agreed in prayer that God would intervene and save Andre’s life. We then settled down in the waiting room. The wait began. There were times during the long hours of waiting that I felt doubt and fear trying to invade my thoughts. It was then that the same words that I had spoken to my class during the Faith Seminar came to mind. It was almost as if I could hear myself saying, “faith is not doubt’, “faith is not fear”, “faith is not seeing, but faith is complete trust in God.” I found myself going over all of the lessons that had been taught in the previous weeks. I could hear phrases ringing in my mind such as, “believe God regardless to and in spite of the circumstances”, “hold on to His Word even when it seems as though your prayers are not being answered.” There were playbacks of the Faith Seminar constantly going through my mind. I did not realize it, but the Lord was at work in me even then preparing me for what was to come. After many hours of waiting, a doctor appeared and told us that Andre was out of surgery and in the recovery room. His condition was very serious, but he was stable. One of the bullets had gone through his arm and severed an artery, making it necessary to remove a vein from his thigh to repair it. Another bullet had gone through his stomach, spleen, pancreas, and liver. However, since Andre was a strong, healthy 24 year old, the doctor felt that he had a good chance for recovery. Approximately six hours later, Andre started to bleed and was taken back into surgery. Again I labored before the Lord in prayer, reaffirming His Word over and over again. A short time later, the surgeon came to talk to me. I will never forget the words he said. “Mrs, Lewis, we tried everything that we could but we could not save your son’s life.” Nothing else that was said after that point mattered. I felt that God had forsaken me. He had not answered my prayers. MY FAITH WAS SHATTERED. When I was able to speak again, the first words that came out of my mouth were, “God you promised!”