The Long Way Around

Andy glanced at his bedside table where his Bible had taken a somewhat permanent residence over the past month. “Would you read to me? Our passages, I mean?” Gina nodded and reached for the Bible. Each of them had a favorite passage that got them through the hard times. She flipped through the New Testament and found her favorite passage, located in Thessalonians. She cleared her throat and began reading, “First Thessalonians 5:16-18. ‘Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.’” As she looked over at Andy, he was closing his eyes, listening to her voice. She liked that verse because it continually reminded her to give thanks in all circumstances, even their difficult ones. She had even made somewhat of a game of it; whenever her mind started to drift and think about how tragic life was and how unfair it seemed, she would try to come up with at least three things for which she was thankful. It helped to ward off the “woe is me” pity parties that could easily find a foothold in her thoughts if she allowed it. He opened his eyes slightly and prodded, “And now mine.” He closed his eyes again, waiting for her to continue. She flipped slightly back in the Bible and found Corinthians. “Second Corinthians 12: 9-10. ‘Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’” Gina’s voice caught on the last line, for she knew Andy was at his weakest point in his life to date. When Andy heard her voice falter, his eyes snapped open and he reached for her hand. The two sat in silence for a moment, just looking at each other, a silent hug of comfort passing between their eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he said quietly. Gina forced a smile through eyes that were welling with tears. “For what? Why are you apologizing?” He heaved a big sigh. “For making you sad. For making everyone sad.” His eyes focused back on the window outside. “If you want to know the truth, that’s the reason I don’t want to die. I hate making people sad. I hate seeing you and everyone we care about cry. I hate…” His voice began to waver. “I hate the thought that our son could be born without a father and you have to face life alone.” He covered his eyes with his hands, breaking down for the first time since he had gotten cancer. A few muffled breaths escaped from him before he continued. “I want to leave a legacy for our son, and the only legacy he will know is death,” he said with such tangible pain that Gina couldn’t keep her tears from flowing. As long as she had known Andy, he had been so strong. Even throughout all of his cancer treatments, he had remained optimistic and had made a habit of saying, “Okay, what’s next?” Now, seeing him, already physically weakened and gutted by the monster within, emotionally break down was almost too much for her to handle. She said a silent prayer as the two clung to each other in their sea of pain and misery, their tears expelling years of pent-up grief and anguish. * * * * * * * * * * Gina and Andy had long talked about what to name their son, since they both felt that names were infused with meaning. They had decided that if Andy lived, their son would be named Samuel, which means “asked of God,” since that would indicate that they asked of God and He had granted Andy life. If, in the event that Andy died, the two decided that their son would be named Nathan, which means “gift of God,” since he would be a gift no matter what happened. He was named Nathan.