I Had No Means to Shout!

About nine months after Charles' breakthrough, I was invited to speak before a group of Christian Women United at the First Presbyterian Church where I am a member. The following message from Charles is an excerpt from that talk: 'I now feel better about myself in every way and I will try my very best to deserve all of the wonderful thoughts and prayers that have come my way. I will try all of my life to keep an uplifted attitude and to remember how much I was loved by you and Daddy and let that serve as an inspiration to try to help others as best I can. I have so much love for others and I sometimes think that is the reason I was born handicapped, just to let others know that they must live their lives with an uplifted spirit in order that it was not in vain for them to have been born in the first place.'

'I believe that my apraxia involves certain messages being sent to the brain and then, in turn, to different parts of my body. I cannot seem to tell my right from my left although I know my right from my left. I cannot seem to find my mouth upon command. I have trouble finding where my nose is when I am asked. I find that my breath will not come when I am asked to blow or when I am asked to take a deep breath. I am unable to draw through a straw. I have trouble sticking out my tongue. I cannot seem to spit the water out when brushing my teeth. I cannot purse my lips when I want to drink out of a bottle.

I don't seem to get the message to wave or to smile when I should be responding to someone or something. My autism seems to be apparent in my random use of my hands and feet. My habit of biting is a symptom of my being nonverbal and is mostly due to frustration. (The biting which Charles refers to is with regard to things and not people!) I think that autistic or neurologically impaired people do not want to look when asked to because the nervous system is too impaired to receive the message. One sometimes feels that all the lights in the world have been turned on and that everyone is yelling at him. If, for example, a question is asked, the receiver receives the question in a very high pitched tone and even sometimes cannot understand the question. To repeat the question sometimes only makes it more painful.

I think that much of the characteristics of autism is a result of not being able to cope with the neurological impairment which autistic people seem to have. I expect the withdrawal of an autistic person into his own world is a result of this impairment. I also believe that an autistic person's inability to cope makes them less able to concentrate and therefore to learn.

I hope that this evaluation by an autistic individual will help other people to understand that we are intelligent even though we may not always appear to be.'