Lifting the Façade
Growing Up With and Through Emotional Pain
by
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EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and HOPE
1. INDIVIDUAL THERAPY.
Finding a caring, loving therapist in my early twenties was the beginning of my journey to a more fulfilling life. I urge you to trust your gut in this. I was so full of rage at my first therapy visit. The therapist I first had (at a local church-based mental health center) represented everything I hated about my life. Both of us immediately knew this wouldn't work and he referred me to a colleague who was wonderful for me.
M. Scott Peck in his book The Road Less Traveled describes the essential ingredient for deep, effective, meaningful and successful therapy as 'love.' He states it is the willingness of the therapist to extend himself or herself to nurture the patient's growth -- going out on a limb, to truly involve oneself at an emotional level in the relationship; to actually struggle with the patient as well as with oneself.
Knowledge, experience and skill are other important elements for a therapist to possess. And, the ability to 'listen': is crucial. The therapist needs to 'love' us enough to 'listen' with close attention. A rule of thumb for me is: if the therapist talks more than I do in our sessions, I need to go to another therapist!
2. 12 STEP GROUPS
When we are hurting and confused, feeling alone and crazy, there's nothing more assuring than finding a person or a group of people who have been there too. When I started my therapy in my early 20's, I was feeling desperate. The therapist was excellent but I needed more. I needed to know someone felt my pain and understood. I needed to hear people share their feelings in a safe place so I could say 'Yes, that's it! That's the pain I've been feeling but I couldn't identify it until just this moment when you spoke.' And then, I'd weep with relief! I needed a group to be loving and gentle with me. I felt too fragile inside for confrontation, even though I presented this efficient, capable front. But, I didn't find that group until ten years after the initial crisis that got me into therapy. It was one of the many 12 Step Recovery groups currently available. The recovery group meetings are non-professional and based on the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions established by Alcoholics Anonymous. (See Appendix A & B.)
The meetings and the steps have absolutely changed my life for the better. It's been a very slow and beautiful process that is daily getting me closer to my real self. I had lost myself in my need to caretake and impress others.
Excerpt from CHAPTER X
Spirituality
'The earth is crammed with HEAVEN
And every common bush afire with GOD
But only those who SEE take of their shoes.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning
As I sit here and write, I am confronted by an uncertain future; anger at being cheated and deceived; and sadness at the possible loss of my home, and a great deal of precious free time. And yet I know, with all my heart, that I am moving toward a better life. I feel surrounded by God's love.
'The world cannot be discovered by a journey of miles...only by a spiritual journey...by which we arrive at the ground at our feet and learn to be at home.'
- Wendell Barry.
EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and HOPE
I have had the good fortune during my recovery to learn to feel at home with the ground at my feet. That doesn't mean euphoria. That doesn't mean freedom from pain. But it does involve a knowing that I am OK, I'll be OK and that I matter. I have purpose. I am connected to a world much larger than myself. I am a channel of all the loving universal energy who, for me, is God. I have everything I need to deal with life in the moment.
'Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.'
- Psalm 37.
My girlfriend Allison picked up a little prayer card for me a few years ago. I keep it on my refrigerator as a constant source of comfort to me in times of stress and doubt:
My Glory and My Praise
Create a quiet inner space in my heart...
a place where restlessness becomes restfulness
a place where anxiety becomes peaceful silence
a place where Your love rests secure and
unfolds the immeasurable richness of
Your Holy Word and keeps me a pilgrim,
Rejoicing!'
-Glenna Aldhom
(153 pages)
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About the Book
This book is about women, all women, and the problems we share. I struggled about whether to put the words "professional woman" in the title because I didn’t want the reader to think that the book is only for professional women. However, I was concerned that if I didn’t put it in, a professional woman might brush past it deciding that she doesn’t need any help from, or connection to, any woman who admits to low self-esteem. I am trusting that those of you who have faced your pain, whether professional or not, are longing to connect.
The purpose of this book is to help women by: (1) looking at some situations of adult life and the challenge of adulthood based on what happened earlier in life; (2) identifying some challenges that are unique to women from dysfunctional families; (3) providing insight and a feeling of connectedness for the reader; and (4) when possible, suggesting coping skills to help in dealing with some or all of these challenges. I refer to my own life often throughout the book because that is what I know best. Most of the coping skills are based on my knowledge and experience in 12 Step recovery programs.
I am limiting my writing to challenges as I see women addressing and coping with them, not because I don’t think this writing relates to men (in fact, I think many men would relate to and benefit from reading this book), but because I believe that men: (1) are innately different from women; (2) have been programmed and shaped by society differently than women have; and (3) see the world from a different perspective. I believe the pain of men in recovery is deep, but I don’t understand it as well as I do my own and other women’s. It would make me very happy to find out that men have read and benefited from this writing because my recovery journey would not have been as rich without the love and support of my soul brothers in recovery.
About the Author
Nan A. Masterson has been a registered nurse for twenty-seven years. She has worked in Pediatrics, Burn Nursing, Public Health Nursing and Health Education, Corporate Management, Health Care Advertising, Early Childhood Development, Home Care and Hospice Nursing, and School Nursing.
Nan has a B.A. in Health Science, a B.S.N. in nursing, and a Master’s Degree in Community Health Nursing and Health Education. She is trained in Gestalt Therapy and Therapeutic Touch.
Nan has a private practice where she does individual and group health education and counseling in healthy living, as well as Therapeutic Touch. She uses a holistic approach involving the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of the individual. In line with her personal commitment to healthy living, she also uses and distributes USANA nutritional products.
Nan believes that all of us are artists, and she sees life as one big creative opportunity.