As much self-loathing as she felt over the whole situation, Ana was not ready to succumb to the eternal punishment of marriage to Guston. He was twice her age, fat and self-serving and in particular he was not of her own choosing. His advances were vile, stomach wrenching overtures. The more he and Leo talked the business end of this match, the more Ana retreated. She had to find a way out.
Marta and the other women servants worked tirelessly on the ornate details of her wedding gown. Ana stood for the fittings, concentrating neither on its beauty nor an escape. Somehow this marriage simply would not happen. It was easier to divert her thoughts out the window to the more horrendous plot of the field workers. There were the elderly, all once faithful and dedicated to her father, and the children and babies with uncertain futures. All living in the flats protected by makeshift shelters. She touched the beading on the bodice of her dress. Marta smiled up at her. Ana smiled back.
Leo first saw her in her gown on the morning of the wedding. The sun had risen to a clear, balmy day. His house was coming along nicely. With this wedding out of the way he and Elizabeth could plan their own, timed to the finishing of the new house. This rambling, stoic one would soon be transferred to an interested buyer, something he hadn't told Ana about due to her fragile state of mind. One less harangue. She had let up, though, now that he thought about it, especially in the past week or so. The wedding must finally have agreed with her.
Her door stood ajar letting dewy rays of dawn from her window filter into the musty stone hall. Leo ushered himself in when she didn't answer his call. It was then that he saw her outlined in the morning light, her flowing dress rustling in the breeze, her lifeless figure dangling from a rope.
Chapter 4
Ana was met with the peace, radiance and tranquillity she had consciously left so many years or a second before. Like Leo and every soul before, and herself on other returns, she came here through the ultimate transport of love. Exhilaration filled her being. All things were once again familiar as though she had just woke from a dream.
"The choices seemed too big. So I quit," she said to the understanding guide Simon. She knew he had no judgment to pass. In front of them was the Roman house of her earth days, spotlessly groomed and glistening in a daybreak glow, fragrant with rows of voluminous flowers lining its path. The delicate fullness of incense beyond freshness, the warmth and melodic sounds of a sunlit breeze and the energy of knowledge in its true, beautiful essence fused with Ana's being. She knew her heart.
"Death is always your own option. When the option is made from your conscious thinking, though, it can override your real intent. Your conscious mind is limited yet. It's the deeper levels that know your purpose. And," he added with a twinkle, "those choices you were up against, you know they'll be just as hard next time."
Ana returned his heavenly smile. She knew. His words would not have held comfort for humans but here they were wondrous. The truth always was.