Tangled in the Web
Understanding Cybersex from Fantasy to Addiction
by
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While not all cybersex users have tumbled into such serious problems, it is quite clear that it has a much greater impact on life than most would care to admit. If you or a loved one is delving into this new sexual frontier, you need to have your eyes wide open to what’s around you and where it might lead you. So in the ensuing chapters, I will show how Internet-enabled sexual fantasies develop and progress and fully explore their impact on our lives. In the next chapter, I reveal how this new Cybersexual Revolution liberates users by affording them sexual opportunities and outlets that once were not available, which will help you better understand the dynamics of your own cybersex behavior. In Chapter 3, I explore the addictive nature of cybersex by outlining the symptoms and stages of Cybersexual Addiction. To help you understand the disorder, I’ll review how the compulsive behavior momentarily allows the addict to "forget" problems, while ultimately creating a vicious cycle that cybersex abusers find themselves in, as feelings of boredom, loneliness, or stress trigger Internet-enhanced masturbation episodes. In the short term, this may be a useful way to cope with the stress of a hard situation; however, addictive behaviors used to escape or run away from unpleasant situations only end up making the addict’s problems worse in the long run. Chapter 3 also provides the Cybersexual Addiction Index (CAI), a 20-item questionnaire to help assess if you or a loved one may be addicted. Cybersex addicts discover that it is difficult to simply go "cold turkey" from the Internet, given our computer-saturated society, which makes it difficult to completely abstain from the Internet in order to treat the addiction. In Chapter 4, I offer hope and help for cybersex addicts with a comprehensive seven-step plan for recovery that shows you how to:
This structured recovery program provides concrete tools that help you relieve shame for the behavior, provide new ways to relate to others, and create a positive self-image.
Today, relationships are now faced with new challenges, as cybersex and its use interferes with typical sex drives and creates arguments and emotional discord with a partner. Each week, jilted partners who lost their relationships because of virtual sex, contact me searching for help and guidance. Many are surprised to learn how seemingly "harmless" cyber-romps result in serious relationship difficulties way beyond what was expected or intended. While I find that some couples are able to use cybersex as foreplay and easily integrate it into their sexual repertoire, for others - mainly middle-aged and older adult couples - cybersex spells infidelity and broken trust. In Chapter 5, I provide insight for couples struggling to work through the betrayal and rage caused by cybersex and offer a step-by-step plan to rebuild trust and rekindle intimacy in their relationships.
Family members are often the first to notice significant personality changes when a loved one gradually retreats more and more into the computer. Those closest to the addict feel alone and search for information on how best to intervene and help. In Chapter 6, we’ll talk about the impact of Cybersexual Addiction on the entire family. I offer specific steps that family members and friends can take to confront a loved one in trouble. I also offer ways for families to learn new communication skills that will strengthen relationship boundaries and facilitate successful recovery for the addict.
Because many healthcare professionals are unfamiliar with the Cybersexual Addiction, I receive several requests for specific referrals to local therapists or clinics knowledgeable about the disorder. While this book is designed to help bridge that gap, specialists in the field are still difficult to find. Therefore, Chapter 7 provides additional resources, such as Web sites, reading materials, and recovery organizations, to help you along the way. I also offer tips on how you can start a support group in Cybersexual Addiction recovery in your area.
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About the Book
The Cybersexual Revolution is upon us – but are we prepared? Cyberspace is the first completely unregulated electronic frontier fostering the growth of online pornography, adult chat rooms, live sex shows broadcast via the Web, and new technological devices that enhance sexual stimulation. Today, more and more online users take advantage of these erotic cyberspace offerings to seek out sexual fulfillment. How will this change our sexual attitudes and offline conduct? From the author of the groundbreaking book, Caught in the NET, the first to identify Internet addiction comes, Tangled in the Web: Understanding Cybersex from Fantasy to Addiction. In Tangled in the Web, Dr. Kimberly S. Young builds on her research in the area of online behavior to uncover the brave new world of the Cybersexual Revolution, and the powerful allure of cybersex fantasy. Dr. Young reveals the impact of online sexual fantasies and their potential for addiction. Dr. Young describes who is most at risk to develop Cybersexual Addiction, how the disorder progresses, what drives the compulsive behavior, and offers hope and help for cybersex addicts with a comprehensive plan to stay web sober even when relapse is just a mouse click away. Cybersex users will gain a better understanding of their own online behavior and learn how to identify the early signs of an addiction. Couples hurt by virtual adultery will learn how to save their relationships with a seven-step plan to rebuild commitment and regain intimacy. Dr. Young also points family members in the right direction with a step-by-step plan to approach loved one in trouble. Finally, therapists, marriage counselors, pastors, and related mental health professionals will gain insight and guidance in helping their clients deal with the impact of cybersex fantasy on their lives.
About the Author
Dr. Kimberly Young is an internationally known expert on Internet addiction and online relationships. She is a licensed psychologist and the Executive Director of the Center for Online Addiction. Dr. Young has written numerous papers and articles on the topic, and she is author of Caught in the Net, the first book to address Internet addiction recovery, already translated in four languages. She is on faculty at the University of Pittsburgh at Bradford and St. Bonaventure University, and has testified regarding her pioneer research for both civil and criminal legal cases, and most recently, for the Child Online Protection Act Congressional Committee. Her work has been featured in hundreds of newsprint publications worldwide including major articles in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, The New York Times, Newsweek, and Time. She is a frequent commentator for numerous radio and television programs including NPR, the BBC, CNBC News, Fox News, Good Morning America, and ABC’s World News Tonight. Currently, she travels nationally as a workshop leader on how technology impacts human behavior, including seminars for the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, the American Psychological Association, the European Union on Health and Medicine, and the first International Congress on Internet Addiction held in Zurich, Switzerland.