Designed by God's Hands

I'll never forget going to the clinic with him to talk with the doctor. Eba was disappointed because the abortion could not take place that day. In my heart, I was relieved. Not because I didn't want the abortion, because I did. I was just glad that Eba did not get his way. I was glad that someone else had told him NO! and there was nothing he could do about it. He just paid the $350 in advance for the "procedure" to be done at a later date. Next time I would go alone because Eba could not miss another day of his so-called precious job. However, he made sure his investment was protected by providing me with an escort for after the abortion.

The day finally came. I had made up in my mind that this needed to be over with quick so that I could get on with my life. I decided I would just finish my Ph.D. and divorce this fool. As I finished dressing, Eba came into the room very happy. "Don't worry, my wife, you will be just fine. We need no babies now."

His happiness made me angry, but I didn't know why. Deep down I did not want to have this abortion probably because he wanted me to. Somehow though, it was more than that. I did not know why but deep in my heart, having this baby was the right thing to do in-and-of itself, Eba, and my future. With this is mind, I responded to him.

"Why should we do this? We are married, why should we get rid of the baby God has blessed us with?" He could not answer sufficiently to suit me. He rambled on and on about finishing college, living together, being too young, etc., etc. The more he tried to justify it, the more I tuned him out. I could not see how our love, our life, would be better for having an abortion. The more I felt we should keep the baby, the more he got angry and wanted me to abort the child. Suddenly, I heard the words ring through my mind. "Choose this day life or death."

It was my mother's voice from a recent conversation she and I had had. Although it was her voice, it was God speaking to me. She said those words to me not knowing she had said them. Because when she said them, they had not fit the subject of our conversation. Those words were out of place. They were foreign yet spoken in English. It was the voice of God. I responded to the Holy Spirit and said, " I choose life." I did not know why I was saying and /or hearing what I said and heard. But this one thing I know, I KNEW IT WAS GOD SPEAKING! In tears, I decided life, but in fear, I went to the abortion clinic with Eba. I could not tell him NO.

All the way there I kept asking Jesus for a way out.