The Werepossum Chronicles
by
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On the day after the night Margaret Strangewell gave birth to a litter of possums, Duffy Waldorf followed the busty redhead up Miami’s Palmeto Drive in high hopes of winning the Truth in Tabloid Journalism Award. The ace reporter watched her duck into a small stucco cottage, letting the rain rotted screen door slam behind. He smiled at a popeyed Latino standing beside him. "Don’t take any pictures until we get inside," he said, swinging a clipboard through the damp morning air like a discus thrower before the toss. The tall reporter knocked on the woman’s door, then jumped as the screen flew off its hinges, splitting apart on the ground. Showing two enormous rows of refrigerator white teeth in a smile, he grabbed the woman’s hand and shook it. "Margaret Strangewell, did you really have a litter of possums?" A dead Hav-A-Tampa butt fell from her lips as she spoke. "Who the hell wants to know?" She reached for it as it rolled off the cement porch, leaving them both and bouncing down the steps into the dew grass. Werepossum/Warzeka 2 "I’m Duffy Waldorf and this is my assistant, Mario Morales." "Look here, Buster, I wanna know who sent you?" She pulled up a pink pleated skirt and tried looking coy. "We’re from the Weekly Globe."
She nodded, then ushered them into an apparent nursery. A half-dozen baby cribs lined the wall. The smell of animal waste caught at Duffy’s throat. He saw in one crib an infant possum the size of a Coke bottle. As he reached to pick it up, the animal lunged at his face, grinding its razor sharp teeth into his nose. "YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!" he screamed, clawing at the animal with both hands. The woman raced toward the pair and quickly grabbed the possum’s hind legs. She gave a hard yank, conking its head against the crib. A loud cracking sound echoed through the room. "Ohmagod what have I done!" Panicky, she pressed the animal’s head against her chest. Blood oozed from its mouth and onto the carpet. Duffy clutched his legs and collapsed to the floor. He felt a tingle near his hips, slowly inching up the spine.
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About the Book
Why would Duffy Waldorff, ace tabloid reporter for the Weekly Globe, even attempt to win the Annual Truth in Tabloid Journalism Award in the first place? What bizarre quest does Duffy pursue in order to become human again after being bitten and turned into a werepossum by one of Mrs. Strangewell’s infant possums? How can the werepossumed journalist complete his back to human metamorphosis with a gay biker preacher who wants his soul, a wife who’s hobby is nude dancing, and an editor who enjoys watching her do it? The Werepossum Chronicles provides the answers in a dazzling display of zany wit and satire of Howard Rand.
About the Author
The author has completed a series of Rice University Novel Writing courses taught by the late Venkatesh Kulkarne, 1984 American Book Award recipient. In his early years he wrote the sports column for the Evansville, Wisconsin newspaper, the Evansville Gazette. A few of his short stories were published in several small press publications including the Compost Newsletter, Rock Falls Review, and Plain Brown Wrapper. He has recently been a contributing writer for Todd Borensteins’ Vision of Curves comic book series published by Eros Comix. He was born in Wisconsin and attended the University of Wisconsin and Texas Woman’s University. He lives with his wife and family in Houston, Texas.