Wit and Wisdom for Widows
Beginning Anew
by
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I’d Like to Get to Know You--Maybe I decided one way to meet eligible men was to advertise in the newspaper. And, I decided widowers would make a good target market. After all, they knew what it was like to lose a partner. So I put an ad in the paper saying, Widowers over 60 are wanted for interviews for a book. Well, the typesetter put in 6’ instead of 60. I didn’t realize this until one of the interviewees said he was curious why the men I was interviewing had to be over 6 feet tall! I decided to let the ad run as it was since I like tall men. After completing my formal interview, I’d give the guy my number and suggest we meet for coffee--if I liked him. If I didn’t like the guy, I’d thank him for his help and tell him he’d be in the book.
- Meet new people doing things you like to do or want to learn how to do. Join a bird watching group. Take a class. Join a religious organization. Sing in the choir. Learn how to play a new sport. Join a fan club. Take dancing lessons. These are just a few ideas--think out of the norm!
- Get a job where you’ll see lots of people.
- Volunteer for a community project, like a community garden or beach clean up. How about being a bell ringer for The Salvation Army at Christmastime? Now that’s a wonderful way to meet all kinds of people.
Rick’s Teeth Sink Deep Into the Sea
During a very severe epileptic seizure, my darling, Rick, broke his upper jaw. He had to have his upper teeth replaced with a denture. I told him when he got it that I never wanted to see him without it--and I never did. When he died in the shower that morning, he must have had his denture out. Because we didn’t see him in the morgue, we didn’t know. Many weeks later when I was going through his personal care things, I came face to face with the denture. Well, what do you do with such a personal item? I couldn’t bring myself to throw it in the trash. I didn’t want to keep it. What would I do with it--pass it on to my children as an heirloom? Since we’d scattered his ashes at sea, I took the denture down to the Berkeley pier and threw it into the same sea that swallowed his ashes. When I think about some fisherman reeling in the denture, thinking there’s a fish on the line, I laugh right out loud.
- Consider--
- Use your creativity when it’s time to discard some of your husband’s very personal items. Let yourself think outrageously, then you’ll find the right way to do what you need to do.
- Sorrow and humor are closely aligned. Things that are funny now were likely painful in the past. You may engage in some strange behaviors--and that’s OK. Make a joke and share with others who can share in your ability to laugh at yourself and at less than favorable circumstances.
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About the Book
Wit & Wisdom for Widows: Beginning Anew,
Uplifting and humorous, the book offers widows the tools that will empower them to create a new life. Wit & Wisdom for Widows provides helpful information, stimulates thought and action, and brings clarity to the journey a widow takes. Gaeta and Whitman purport that becoming a widow may be one of the best things that has happened to the widow because she has the opportunity to live a new life that wouldn’t have been possible if her mate were alive. They defy traditional ways of living life as a widow.
The more than vignettes will warm the heart and nourish the soul. Recognizing that their very personal walk is one that’s created daily, widows will find comfort, inspiration, and motivation to approach the new life that fate hands them with joy and enthusiasm. This book is written for more than 11 million widows in the United States, those who will become widows, and those who care for and support them.
Each new and veteran widow will benefit from the practical and solid suggestions made by the authors. It’s time for widows to receive the assistance they need and the attention they deserve. It’s time for them to realize life begins anew with the death of their mates. Wit & Wisdom for Widows will encourage, challenge, empower, and inspire widows to walk a new walk and live a new life.
About the Author
Widow Barbara Whitman Gaeta and widow-to-be Susan Whitman have formed a mother-daughter team to create a greater awareness about the emotional and spiritual needs of widows. Gaeta’s husband of 40 years died suddenly in 1986, six months after her mother became a widow. Whitman’s husband is 14 years her senior, making her impending widowhood very likely. Because of the widow experience, Gaeta’s journey with Whitman changed them both in ways that only widows and their families can understand. Gaeta, widowed for ten years and now happily re-married to a man twelve years her junior, had a facelift, colored her hair, got a small tattoo, and joined a naturist club . . . things she would have never thought about doing if she had not become a widow. These were ways she celebrated the fact that life continues when one mate dies. As an entertainer, she has a delightful sense of humor that engages her audiences. She epitomizes what Wit & Wisdom for Widows: Beginning Anew is all about – creating the life you want to live. Gaeta has been engaged in research about widows since her husband died. Together with Whitman, they have created a workshop for widows to address their needs and concerns. They’ve interviewed numerous widows about their experiences, shared their own, and are perpetuating that spiritual bond of knowing and appreciation in the widow community. Professionally Gaeta, now a consultant in volunteer program management, has worked with diverse organizations. She’s served on boards for the American Red Cross, First United Methodist Church, and Epilepsy League. She’s been the spokesperson for the United Way of Oakland (CA), American Red Cross, Epilepsy League, Oakland (CA) Unified Schools, and the Alzheimer’s Association. Gaeta has been honored as the Woman of Achievement for Business and Professional Women (Los Gatos, CA), awarded the Golden Rule Award by J.C. Penney for community service, and received the ten Gallon Blood Donor recognition by the American Red Cross. She worked on the National Red Cross Disaster Relief Team in Alaska in 1967. She has been writing journals, stories, and poems for many years. Whitman, happily married for sixteen years, is also an engaging and entertaining speaker. She observed what could be construed as strange behavior for her mother, a woman in her mid-50s, with delight and support. Her relationship with her own husband has been significantly enhanced because of her mother’s experience, appreciating every moment that she has with her husband and celebrating each day for the joy it brings. She encourages others to look at life in a similar way, recognizing that fate, old age, disease, or disaster could end her mate’s life on this Earth at any moment. Her interest in widows’ issues began when her mother became a widow and she realized she, too, would become a widow one day. Whitman is an organizational development consultant and owner of Dynamic Teams. She’s an active member and Certified Lay Speaker for the United Methodist Church. She was an elected official as city councilwoman for Pacific Grove (CA) for eight years, serving on various committees. She has served in leadership roles for numerous community organizations. She has made hundreds of speeches to government, community, religious, and professional groups on topics of government issues, leadership, women in politics, and professional development. Whitman has been honored as Woman of the Year by the Business and Professional Women’s Association, Housing Advocate of 1990 by Monterey/Carmel Council of Real Estate Boards, and Woman of Achievement by Soroptimist of the Monterey Peninsula.