What's Really Going On Out Here (The Real S**t)

BEING CALLED A DOG

Why Do Some Men Take Pleasure In Being Called A “Dog?”

Answer:  It’s a prestige and conquest thing, nothing more.  By far, the dog is considered to be the most noble of all animals, next to the lion, which is most likely “how” and “why” this analogy came to be so skewed.

When Duke (mentioned earlier) and I were younger, we both came up with ways of expressing the variety of dogs men are capable of being.  The first was the “Lap Dog.”  The lapdog is pretty much the faithful dog.  Actually, he’s sickeningly “over faithful.”  If his lady called him, he’d be there without question, ready to aid her situation regardless of what had happened.  If you ever looked for him, you’d always find him right next to her feet, waiting to satisfy her whenever she needed him, even if she was wrong in her actions.  You could send this idiot on a search for “Noah’s Ark,” and he wouldn’t question the absurdity of it, all the while believing (as he searches) something good would come of that endeavor.  Blind allegiance is what this pooch is about and can’t be told otherwise, even if it’s made obvious his old lady is getting a bone from the dog next doors.  This dog was a disgrace to the game.

The next dog was the “Guard Dog,” sometimes referred to as that “crazy azz dog.”  This dog constantly protects his interests, namely the woman he’s dating.  The guard dog stays on patrol 24/7, while eating and breathing security.  This dog is always on the lookout for somebody trying to sneak into his territory and mark his spot while he’s out combing the area.  This pooch is jealous and possessive.  A dog like this keeps his woman under constant surveillance and even house arrest so as to ensure there’s no attempt of a “break-in.”  Sooner or later, his lady is able to con him for a night out on the town and leaves his azz stranded while she hurries back home to relocate.  Some old practices are still good.

Then there’s that damn “Dirty Dog.”  This sonofab*tch just “won’t” do right.  No matter what you say to him, threaten him about doing, our cut him off from, he always finds a way to “get his game on.”  It’s a mystery how this dog will get put out of the house for the umpteenth time and still find his way back into the bedroom.  A pooch such as this one normally doesn’t walk anymore than a city block without making sure some female gets marked.  He’ll “slide the bone,” and let her know she’s just one of many in the pack, but he lets her know he checks on his territory everyday to make sure no other dog has “lost his way.”  Getting rid of this guy for some women is hard to do because everybody wants him, which sometimes makes his partner want him more.  There’s a lot of strain on the women who leave the door open for him at night hoping he’ll come by, but no strain compares to that of his mate who wonders if he’s going to come home at all.  Without question, this dog is the “big” dog.

Next, we have the “Pretty Dog.”  This boy is so clean, polished, and manicured, it’s hard for men not to be jealous or women to tell him “no.”  His very presence seems to have an air of “good breeding” as it’s sometimes referred to, and his gestures all seem of the best intentions.  Sure